At a certain point, you know, if you just quit DOING you quit BEING.
Bruce keeps saying, "Do less, take it easy" and I know he says it because he loves me and he sees me every day -- no one else does. He sees how long it takes me to get up, he sees when I can't straighten when I walk to the kitchen, he sees how I have to think to negotiate even the smallest of steps -- from our laundry room to the garage, he hears when I groan as I roll over.
I do so little now that I feel like a parasite.
A day like today -- when my ankle hurts (this is new) so much that when Bruce rubs it I feel like there's a knife stabbing me there, when my arms hurt from my shoulders to my wrists, when my feet feel like I've walked all over Disney World -- well, he sees it. "Maybe you should see a doctor," he says. "Maybe there's something else wrong with you."
"No -- this is pretty much what rheumatoid arthritis IS." But I'm not completely convinced that all of my aches and pains ARE due to RA. I wonder if I have something as boring as tendinitis in my elbow -- my jaw is NOT flaring but my elbow is so sore that I can barely bend it enough to touch my face. Usually when my elbow is bad, so is my jaw. Maybe this is just because my dang knees are so bad and the dang surgery is taking so long that everything else is getting screwed up along the way.
But I don't know. I'm just guessing.
I can finally say that the surgery is in "three-something weeks." Sounds better than what I've been saying.
I have a prayer request. I'm going to meet with Dr. Barringer on the morning of Friday, June 22. I'm going to ask him to schedule my second surgery two months after my first. I know he doesn't like to do them that soon, but I am prepared to make my case. I'll cry if I have to. If you'd pray that his heart will be moved to scoot up that second surgery I would really appreciate it.