Grade: B+

If I'm grading on a curve, I'd say I get a B+ today. I did two loads of laundry -- not the sheets, though. I will do them tomorrow. Supper was a "meatloaf" sandwich (Bruce made it for me) and two Mighty Muffins (they're best if you put honey on them!). I balanced the checkbook and am about to figure out which bills to pay. So I did fairly well, considering I move about as slow as a sloth.

More later...

Progress

Well.

The surgeon's office finally called me back. Last week I called them on Tuesday and left a voicemail. They called back on Wednesday to say that "the only thing" they needed before they could schedule the surgery was the release form from my dentist. I called the dentist. They had faxed the form on April 12. They faxed it again. I waited all day Thursday to hear from the surgeon. No dice.

On Friday morning I called the surgeon and left a voicemail. They did not call back.

Today I called the surgeon and got a little testy on my voicemail. They finally called back at 4:45. Now they say that "the only thing" they need before they can schedule the surgery is the release from my family doctor. But they will call him, they said. The woman who schedules the surgery is out of the office for two days. I should expect to hear from her on Thursday.

I am not holding my breath. If I do not hear from her by 4:00 on Thursday I am calling again (to leave another voicemail).

I tell you -- my knee better play music when I walk after all this trouble!

I have brushed my teeth, by the way.

And the SECOND load of laundry is finishing up (although I have not done the sheets, mostly because I am still in bed). The back is very wonky. The knees are about as good as my knees get.

Onward and upward!!!

More later...

My Love Affair with Kate Middleton

Kate Middleton, a.k.a. Catherine, Duchess of Cambridge, a.k.a. Princess Kate is someone who just fascinates me. I think she's beautiful and she always seems poised and gracious. Since we've just passed the one-year anniversary of her marriage to Price William there are all these "retrospectives" about her first year as royalty. I've been looking (happily) at one by Time Magazine which has 83 pictures of different outfits that she's worn.

How fun it must be to be gorgeous, not have to worry about money, and to just have as your job to dress well and look pretty! Anyway, she sure plays the part.

When I woke up this morning my back felt better but my knees were horrible. The worst they have EVER been. Walking to the bathroom hurt so much it made me cry.

I was up really early -- a little after 6:00 -- stayed awake for a couple of hours, then slept until 11:00. I had not showered since Friday and I was starting to gross myself out, so I did that. HUGE triumph, although by the end my back was just shaking. I can bend over to my heart's content, but I canNOT reach up. (And you have to reach up when you wash your face or hair.) Anyway, got through that, made myself a smoothie for lunch, and here I am. Oh -- my knees are better. Normal bad, but not like this morning.

What I really want to do is wash the sheets. After I rest for a while I'll try that. No reaching up, so I should be okay. It's good to have goals.

So here are my goals for the rest of the day:

1. Brush my teeth.
2. Wash the sheets.
3. Make Mighty Muffins (I have been craving them for DAYS and my bananas are almost past the point where I can cook with them. Bruce is stopping at the store to buy the oat bran and the lemon that I need in order to make them).

And that's it. I'll have to spread things out because doing anything is exhausting. Honestly, I have to laugh because I am so pathetic!!!

More later...

BAD Heating Pad

I now have a long welt-like burn and a blister on my back from the heating pad. Bruce says that I am hurting myself faster than he can make me better! Honestly, I am almost hysterical from laughter about all this -- it is past the point of ridiculousness. I told him that I'm going to make a bed on the couch and I'm not moving. At all. Apparently I have that syndrome where people injure themselves in order to get attention. Who knew?

More later...

The Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Funny Night

I was lying on the couch watching The Office on Hulu Plus. On my right side. It was about 9:30, 9:45. Bruce had just announced that he was going to bed (this was way past his bedtime). I was kind of tired, so I thought I'd get in bed, too, and read until I fell asleep.

So I turned off the tv and sat up. And...that was it. I could not get up. My back went into full spasm and if I moved in any direction it was blindingly painful. I called Bruce and he came running out -- but there was nothing he could do. Sitting was pretty bad because if I moved more than about an inch either way it was horrible. Bruce kept wanting to do something and he was making me laugh which was about the worst thing that could happen to me. He stood RIGHT in front of me, climbed behind me, offered to pull me up (I offered to kill him if he tried that move). He kept telling me that he's strong enough to lift me; I kept telling him that I would scream so loudly that the neighbors would call the police if he tugged on me even a little.

I figured that moving into any other position would be a good thing (I have no idea why I thought this -- it was just so painful the way it was that anything sounded better). I sort of collapsed onto the floor on my hands and knees. This was, oddly enough, an improvement. Except, well, I have bad knees. I thought maybe I could crawl to the bedroom and I tried a few scoots -- not gonna happen. Hurt my knees (duh), hurt my back. I leaned forward and down and put the bulk of my weight on my forearms -- this felt better on my back and my knees -- but it's not what you'd call a comfortable position (face buried in the scratchy rug, forearms getting tired). So I crept forward and laid flat on my stomach. Not bad -- but I was flat on my stomach on the hard floor.

And I had to pee.

I rolled over -- carefully -- and I was now flat on my back. This was very painful because my back didn't want to be flat on the hard floor. Bruce pushed my desk chair over and I put my feet on top of it; this was slightly better. My back was still hard as a rock -- just as tense as it could be. Heat or ice? I never know. There was a bag of ice in the fridge from earlier in the week, so Bruce got it and -- carefully -- slid it under my back. Not especially comfortable, but at least I felt like I was doing something that might help.

Bruce was jumping around like an elf, trying to help. In his defense, I HAD called for him to come to help me. I just didn't want him to touch me. At all. He did move the coffee table and after my back was so cold that I couldn't feel all that much I was able to move to a STRAIGHT UP sitting position. I kept trying to move into different positions, but I had no plan whatsoever. I think I was hoping that somehow, maybe, I would find a magical pose and I'd just spring up to my feet. That was not to be.

I kept looking at Bruce and bursting out laughing because it was such a ridiculous situation. And laughing hurt. And made it hard not to pee. Which was funny, too.

Since I was sitting up, Bruce gave me a pain pill. Ultimately I don't think I felt it at all, and it made me feel hungover this morning. Live and learn.

His recliner was within arm's reach. Somehow -- I don't know how -- I moved to a sort of praying position in front of his recliner -- on my knees, arms on the seat.

What now?

"Watch. I am going to do something very brave," I said to Bruce. And I did! I imagine that I resembled a newborn colt, struggling to its feet for the first time. Without the cuteness, of course. Somehow I stood up, which I will always believe to have been a miracle.

Bruce was especially thankful because I let him put his arm around me to help me walk -- I was a bit unsteady on my feet. Made it to the bathroom, peed (don't ask), and slowly made my way to the bed. Sat down...getting my legs into the bed was a tricky move, but I made it. Never have I felt happier than when I was finally IN BED!!!

I Googled "back spasm heat ice" and learned that heat is more generally prescribed, so Bruce got the heating pad and -- gingerly -- shoved it underneath me. I laid there for probably thirty minutes; I would almost fall asleep when THE NEIGHBOR'S DOG would start barking and wake me right up (it was almost 11:00 by this time).

Bruce was sleeping (I could tell by the snores) and I decided that I didn't want to be in bed any longer. The heat had really done the trick. I was able to get out of bed and move into the living room with all my paraphernalia (phone, Kindle, heating pad, laptop) and rest there until about 2:00 when I moved back into the bedroom. And slept for the rest of the night.

Today I'm okay. Moving very gingerly, letting Bruce wait on me. My back is very tense; I'm using the heating pad as I type. Needless to say, my vacation is receding into the background. I don't even care a little bit. My knees are HUGE -- swollen from kneeling and crawling, even that little bit. Oddly enough, my mood is great. I feel like I'm kind of a comedy of errors right now -- my left elbow is really swollen from arthritis, my knees are a wreck, my back is shot -- I'm running out of parts!!! I know that all of this will pass, which is why I'm laughing about it.

More later...

Yes, We Still Eat

Despite my creakiness, I cooked dinner tonight, aided by my not-so-trustworthy assistant (more about that later). It was meatloaf, mashed potatoes, and mushroom gravy -- how home-style can you get? Bruce was a good boy and had a salad; I figured the ketchup in the meatloaf would count. ;)

I never really liked real meatloaf. I mean, I could eat it, but it was not my favorite thing. Veggie versions tend to be mushy -- I've never liked those either. This one is fantastic -- by far the best I've ever tried and I don't see why I'd ever make another. I can season this one differently if I'd like (barbecue sauce?), but the base is excellent. Plus, the name of it is "Dreena's No-fu Love Loaf," so how can you beat that? I made it with mashed potatoes and mushroom gravy and it was a good meal that will make good leftovers tomorrow.

I was mostly fine -- my back started acting up at the end, it hurt to reach high (measuring cups), and it HURT to twist (the oddest times). We survived, however. Bruce is grateful that I am creaky because he used VANILLA almond milk in the mashed potatoes and I almost killed him. Fortunately he did not use much (I quickly passed the soy milk along) and he peppered 'em so much that you could not taste the vanilla.  Anyway, it was pretty darn good.

My trip to Florida (vacation) is kind of up in the air. It hurts like the dickens to get into and out of the car. I will not tell you what I had to do this morning to get up from the toilet (it was awkward and painful). Being semi-incapacitated at someone else's house is not my idea of a vacation, so we'll see.

Sigh.

All in all, it was a nice day. Our weather has been so nice for so long that I feel like I owe Alabama an apology for ever complaining.

More later...

A Full-Time Job

I have learned several things lately.

First, I understand why some people who are chronically ill kill themselves. I'm not talking about people who are afraid of pain or people who are afraid of losing their faculties. I mean, I guess I understand that, too, but that's not what has hit me lately. It is absolutely horrifying to me to think that I am a burden on anyone, much less someone I love. It's depressing (don't worry -- I'm not suicidal!) and I have to fight against despair and other black emotions constantly.

I always figured I'd be the one doing the care giving. Bruce is five years older than I am and his family has a long, long history of cardiovascular disease. I won't say I was looking forward to taking care of him because that sounds bad -- but it was not something that I thought about in any way except as being a blessing. I just love to take care of people I love.

Throughout our marriage, Bruce has been called upon to be the caregiver much more often than I have. I've had several surgeries (knee, gall bladder, hysterectomy, etc.) and he's rarely had anything happen to him that has lasted for more than a day or two. Of course, even my surgeries did not involve lengthy recoveries as far as Bruce was concerned -- but when called upon he has always performed well.

I realize that my current issues are not long term (as health issues go). But I figure I'm looking at several months of varying degrees of incapacitation. The things I do around here have shrunk to grocery shopping (I can lean on the cart), laundry, cooking. That's it. I do nothing else useful or profitable. (Some might say I rarely did much more than that even at my healthiest.)

Today was worse because I've hurt my back. Looking back on it, I can't believe how stupid I am. Earlier in the week I felt something when I was doing my "pre-hab" leg exercises, so I took a few days off. When I went to therapy today, I told them about my back and they suggested I try the exercises with a lighter weight and just see how things went. Well -- everything was fine until THE exercise. It hurt while I was doing it, but it wasn't a blinding pain, so I kept going. After I finished, however, I couldn't move. I couldn't lie down, sit up, roll over -- I literally could not move. I was lying on an exercise table, on my side, so I forced myself to breathe and relax my back muscles as much as possible. I fell onto my back ("fell" being relative -- I was already reclining on the table, so it's not that it was a long fall, it was just that I couldn't control myself well enough to just roll over) and stayed in that position, breathing and trying to relax until I could sit up. All the other exercises were fine. They iced my back and even put a couple of TENS stickers on me so that my back got stimulated as well as my knee. When I left the building I was feeling a lot better...

...until I got to my car. I could barely get in. I'm home now (of course) and my back will feel fine, feel fine, feel fine -- and suddenly there will be a blinding flash of pain that takes my breath away.

They told me to stop doing that exercise (duh) and to ice my back and take ibuprofen (I haven't taken ANY pills of any kind -- except B12 -- for over a year, but I'm about to break that fast). Bruce rolled my desk chair into the living room, too -- it's so much easier for me to get up from this than from the couch because it's higher and has two arms that I can push up from.

OH -- speaking of that. I bought "toilet safety bars." It's just metal bars that act like arms for the toilet so that it will be easier for me to get up and down. They came today -- I was so happy -- and there is only one bar in the box.

Sigh.

On the positive side, right this minute my knees feel better.

Anyway -- I got into the car (painfully) and started to cry. I don't know why. Maybe it was as pathetic and unattractive as just feeling sorry for myself. Don't get me wrong -- I think that whatever motivated these tears was sin, bad, selfish. I'm just not sure it's as simple as feeling sorry for myself. I'm fairly introspective, but I am having a lot of trouble figuring out why I've been feeling the way I do.

Mel and I talked about this on Thursday. For those of you who don't know her, she is my pastor's wife and my dearest friend here in Alabama. She is also legally blind and needs someone to drive her hither and yon. It is my blessing to be able to do that when I'm in town. But Melanie understands what it's like to have to fight the feelings of being a burden, not just to people she loves, but sometimes to people she doesn't even know (we met when I was asked to drive her someplace). She always thanks me, of course, but I honestly do not need thanks. She is so dear to me and she's made my sojourn in Alabama so much better than it would have otherwise been. I consider it a blessing to be able to spend time with her. She's never, ever been what I would call a burden to me. Ever.

But I simply cannot wrap my mind around the idea that anyone else could feel that way about me. Mel told me that she's sure her blindness happened (if you ever meet her you will see quickly how independent she is -- and how important it is to her to be independent) to teach her that allowing others to serve you is a ministry in and of itself. Allow people to love you, to be blessed by caring for you. It all sounds good on paper. And that's what I mean by this being a sin. I elevate myself somehow (I don't understand it at all); I seem to think that I'm above that -- or below it (but if I'm debasing myself it's a false kind of humility).

Lessons learned, lessons to be learned. I am sure struggling with this, let me tell you.

I should put in a disclaimer: Bruce always always assures me that I'm not a burden and that no matter what he's here to take care of me. That only makes it worse.

My subject line for this post is "A Full-Time Job." I'm beginning to think that taking care of myself -- rehabbing the things that need rehabbing and getting other things into shape so they never need to be rehabbed -- is going to take a full-time effort. This seems at once to be the ultimate in self-centeredness and at the same time to be the least I owe those who would have to care for me if I really did fall apart for good. And -- I'm sure the full-time aspect of it will be short lived. It just seems that I have SO MUCH wrong that it will take a very long time to get me into fighting shape. I guess that planning my renaissance will be something I can work on when I'm recovering from surgery.

Speaking of which -- I have NO IDEA WHEN THAT WILL BE. The dang surgeon's office will not tell me. I called them this morning -- fairly early (before 10:00) and they never returned my call.

Sigh.

Tonight is the Relay for Life and I'm stuck here at home. Making everybody else do my work (burden). What I have to remember is that nothing surprises God. Not my knees nor my back, not that I would need to rely on Bruce to help me -- every single detail was known by Him before I was even born. He has a plan and I need to remember to honor Him in every aspect of my life, whether I'm in pain or dancing on the ceiling.

More later...

Just Another Day in Paradise

Woke up around 9:00. Stumbled out to the living room and collapsed on the couch. Dinked around online for about an hour. Read my daily Bible reading. Pulled myself up and brushed my teeth. Made oatmeal for breakfast (with cinnamon and raisins). Showered. Shaved my legs.

And I'm exhausted. And I still have to do my exercises.

Everything is SO HARD that it's ridiculous. I hardly drink anything because if I drink I'll have to go to the bathroom and that's just too hard. I am SO ready for this surgery, I can't tell you. The depressing part is that I really don't expect it to help that much -- I know I'm going to have to have the other knee done before there's any big change.

I called the surgeon yesterday to see what the holdup was -- why they haven't called to set a date. They called me today to say that the only thing they're waiting for is the release form for my dentist. Called the dentist. The release form was faxed on April 12 but they will fax it again. Called the surgeon. They will "look for" the release form.

Don't get me wrong -- I know the end is in sight. I just wish it was a little closer, that's all.

I haven't worked on Caroline at all lately because I've been too busy or too tired. Blechh.

But -- I can share chapter seven with you...

Caroline awoke the next morning much earlier than she had planned. Her body was still used to rising just after dawn each day to get ready for school. She kept still for a minute, trying to recall what it was that she was supposed to do that day. The morning sun peeked through a little gap in her bedroom curtains, making a small oval of golden light on her bedroom carpet. A small gold oval…about the size of the tiny picture frame that she’d hidden in her sock drawer!

Suddenly Caroline remembered everything. She jumped out of bed, earning a dirty look from Mrs. Anderson as Caroline bumped her to the floor, and ran over to her dresser where she slid her hand underneath the socks to reassure herself that the frame was still there. After finding it just where she’d placed it, she dressed quickly and went to the kitchen to grab something for breakfast.

Her father was sitting at the table, reading the newspaper. “You’re up early this morning, Little One.  Got big plans for today?”

“Not really, Dad. Alex and I are going to hang out, go to the library, that kind of thing.”

“Don’t forget to stop by Mom’s office. She’s already in the clinic and I’m sure she has a few things for you to do over there.”

Caroline sighed and poured herself a glass of juice. She poked around in the basket of fruit that was sitting on the kitchen counter until she found the ripest plum of the lot. She took a cheese stick, the plum, and her juice and went to sit on the front porch. Barkley followed her, hoping for a bite of cheese.

She sat on the front porch swing, rocking gently and looking up the street to where the dunes led down to the Gulf. She couldn’t actually see the water from where she sat, but she knew it was there. The sound of the waves provided a constant backdrop to her days, a kind of pleasant static that she missed whenever she was away from it for too long. She inhaled deeply, savoring the fresh salt air. If it wasn’t so boring this would be a pretty nice place to live.

She finished her breakfast, saving the last morsel of cheese for Barkley. She made him sit up and she placed the bit of cheese on the top of his nose. He sat perfectly still, watching her intently, waiting for her permission to move. She said, “Good boy,” and he tossed his head, flipping the cheese in the air and then catching it easily as it fell. 

It was already very warm outside and she was beginning to perspire. There wasn’t a cloud in the sky and it promised to slide from very warm right into hot and humid before the sun climbed too much higher. She wandered over to the clinic to see what her mother needed.

It was too early for new patients so Dr. Brennan was in the back room checking on supplies. She smiled as Caroline walked in.

“Just what I love to see—one of my children up and rarin’ to go first thing in the morning!”

“I don’t know how much rarin’ I’m going to do,” Caroline said doubtfully. “I’m going to hang out with Alex today so I wanted to get my chores out of the way.”

“All right, Hon. Clean the kittens’ cage for me. You can skip the rabbit this morning—I’m going to release him this afternoon, so you can do his cage tomorrow and be done with it. I didn’t have anyone else stay in the back yesterday—everyone just came into the exam rooms and left from there so you really have it easy this morning. I’m going to spay Mr. Soles’ German shepherd this afternoon, though, and she’ll spend the night tonight. Unless we have an emergency, that should be it for the back room. Just check the feeding schedule and that’s pretty much all I need from you this morning.”

“Okay, Mom. Hey—can I release the rabbit for you?”

“You can come with me if you want. I’m going to take him over to Bonita Point—I want to let him go near the same spot where he was found. You can invite Alex and we can bring Donny and stop off for pizza on the way home if you’d like. Your father has a softball game tonight anyway, and Kael can just fend for himself. He was talking about catching a movie with some of his friends.”

“That sounds pretty good. I’ll ask Alex and we’ll stop by later and let you know, okay?”

Dr. Brennan smiled and went back to her inventory. Caroline made short work of the mess in the kittens’ cage and spent a few minutes playing with them. She took them outside and sat down in a shaded spot next to the driveway. She picked up a couple of palm seeds and set one spinning on the pavement. The black kitten pounced immediately, grabbing the hard, marble-sized fruit between his paws. The next moment he was broadsided by his sister and the two of them tumbled together in a furry ball of tiny sharp claws and soft fur.  

Donny came outside, still wearing his pajamas and rubbing sleep from his eyes. He sat down next to Caroline and snuggled against her.

“Like the kittens, Squirt?”

He nodded wordlessly and Caroline hugged him close. “Mom says we can go out for pizza tonight, after we let the bunny go. And maybe Alex will come with us. Won’t that be fun?”

Donny didn’t answer for a moment. “Make me a waffle?” he asked finally, looking up at Caroline with his big blue eyes.

She planted a kiss on top of Donny’s golden curls and nodded. “Let me put these guys back inside and I’ll come right in.”

She was spreading peanut butter on a waffle when Alex knocked on the door.

“Have you eaten anything?” she asked. “I can pop another waffle into the toaster for you,” she offered.

“No, I ate already, thanks. What do you have to do before we can get out of here this morning?”

“I’m just about ready to fly. Hey—Mom’s invited us to join her on a release this afternoon and then we’re going to stop for pizza. Wanna come?”

“What’s a release?” Alex asked.

“Mom works with a wildlife rescue group. People find hurt animals—birds or rabbits or whatever—and bring them to her to fix up. She always tries to release them near the same place where they were originally found, if it’s safe. She’s got a cottontail to set loose this afternoon over on Bonita Point. Mr. M’s Pizza is over there—he makes the best pizza around.”

“We had a deer here once,” Donny interjected through a mouthful of waffle, wanting to be a part of the conversation.

“We’ve had a couple—Donny just doesn’t remember them all,” Caroline explained. “They end up here for all kinds of reasons—dogs, coyotes, cars, guns—and Mom works her magic on them. Sometimes they stay for a couple of weeks—that’s a long time for us to have something that big. We’ve had to go all over creation to let them go.”

“That sounds great,” Alex said. “It’s really nice of you to include me the way you have.”

“Oh, Mom’s thrilled you’re here. Three days ago she had to listen to me complain about how there’s never anything to do in this place over the summer.” Turning to her little brother Caroline said, “Donny, Alex and I are going to the library. Do you want to come?  I think Miss Abby is reading stories this morning. You don’t mind if he tags along, do you?” she asked Alex.

“Yes, yes, I want to come!” Donny crammed the last of the waffle into his mouth and drained his glass of milk with a satisfying, “Ahhhh.”

“Go get dressed and I’ll let Mom know you’re coming with us. Alex,” Caroline turned to look at him. “Will you please go into my room and get the thing we need to take to the library?”

Half an hour later the trio walked into town. As they passed the Sweet Thing Bakery, Caroline waved through the front window to Ruthie and Mrs. Griffith. Mrs. Griffith waved back, a spatula in her hand, and Ruthie smiled at them from behind the counter.

“Ooh, Caroline—can we get a cookie?” Donny pleaded.

“You just finished breakfast! How about if we stop in on our way back home? You can’t bring a cookie into the library anyway.” 

Donny nodded, satisfied, and ran ahead to the steps of the library.

They reached the building just as the children were beginning to sit down for story hour. Donny skipped over and sat next to a little girl from his kindergarten class and soon the group was entranced by Miss Abby’s tale of dragons and brave knights.

Caroline showed Alex where the photocopy machine was. “I forgot to bring quarters! Do you have any? I brought two dollars for the bakery but didn’t think about change for the copier.” she added.

Alex had two quarters in his pocket and by placing the pictures near the bottom of the second page of the letter they were able to copy everything they needed for his fifty cents. Alex had just finished replacing the pictures of Cassie and Chris inside the locket and was putting everything back into the envelope when Caroline remembered that she’d wanted to check for old high school yearbooks.

They sat down at a computer to check the library inventory. Caroline couldn’t find anything useful. Finally Ms. Palmer finished reading to the kids and returned to her place at the information desk. Unfortunately, she didn’t have good news for them.

“We don’t have any yearbooks. They might have copies at the high school—I’m sure they do,” she suggested. “You’ll have to wait until school starts again, I guess.”

“That was a dead end,” Caroline sighed as she and Alex and Donny left the library. 

“It’s okay—we’ll think of something,” Alex said encouragingly as he opened the door to the Sweet Thing Bakery for Caroline and Donny. “Why don’t we take Donny back home and maybe we can find something to do this afternoon. I haven’t been swimming since I got here,” he added.

Mrs. Griffith was behind the counter as they walked in. She smiled and tucked a stray strand of light brown hair behind her ear. “Caroline and Donny and someone I need to meet! It’s so good to see you!”

Caroline introduced Alex to Mrs. Griffith. “Alex—how wonderful to have your family join our community! It’s been so exciting to watch the changes taking place down at your end of the street. I’ll be forever grateful to your parents for bringing that beautiful house and the grounds back to life. How’s your mother, Caroline? Tell her to call me—we haven’t had a ‘Girls Night Out’ in ages!”

After making their selections the three children strolled back to the Brennan house. Barkley was on the front porch, sleeping. He wagged his tail lazily as they tromped by. 

Kael was packing some snorkeling gear in the family room. As they came in he looked up and said, “Donny, Mom wants me to take you to Andrew’s house for the rest of the morning. She’s going to come and pick you up later this afternoon.”

“Andrew’s house! Yay!! I want to wear my Woody hat!”

“Wear whatever you want, Noodle—I need to be out of here in ten minutes.”

“Guess I can leave then,” Caroline looked at Alex. “Why don’t I grab my bathing suit and we can go swimming down by your house, Alex?” She gave Alex the photocopies that they had made at the library and kept the frame and letter for herself. He glared at her for a moment, but then he chuckled and took the papers from her while she went into her bedroom to hide the originals in her sock drawer.

She kept a bag ready with a big beach towel and some sun screen so she quickly slipped on a bathing suit, pulled on some shorts, and stuck her feet into a pair of rubber flip flops. In just a few minutes they were headed down the street, ready to introduce Alex to the Gulf of Mexico.

More later...

Dithering

I am procrastinating because I need to be doing my pre-hab exercises and I really really don't want to. Really.

Whenever I start an exercise program, I always start very slow. I figure if I start slow and build gradually I'll get where I want to be without a lot of pain -- and it works. Obviously the physical therapists do not share my philosophy. I'm still really sore -- besides my leg muscles, my back is sore and my abdominal muscles are sore. This is where I have to be a big girl and suck it up, though. So -- believe me -- I'll do my exercises today. I just want to complain about it first. ;)

I have been asked to write a column/blog post for the Engine 2 group about giving up cheese (which was the most difficult struggle for me). I finished it this morning and emailed it to the editor. I'll let you know if they choose to publish it.

My jasmine has never looked better. Do you remember when Alex and I planted these in the backyard? Tiny little things; we named them individually and as a group called them "The Patriarchs" (the names were the names from the names of the books of the Old Testament in order: Joshua, Ruth, Samuel, Ezra, Nehemiah, Esther, Job, Solomon, Isaiah, Jeremiah, Ezekiel, Daniel, Hosea, Joel). Anyway, they are not little anymore and they've never bloomed so much. Click on the photos to get a bigger view.

Here's a wide-ish shot (the jasmine covers the fence the entire length of the backyard):

I stood by the fence and took a picture looking down it:

And then, just a close-up of a section of vines:

I was thinking of putting up a hummingbird feeder, but I'm not going to do it. I remember them loving the jasmine last year and this year there are even more flowers, so I think they'll be happy enough with that. And it's a lot lower maintenance!

Oh -- I have a new tea obsession. I don't normally drink herbal teas, but I decided to give this one a try (and actually, Republic of Tea has a section for "Hibiscus Teas" -- they don't put this with the herbal teas). It's Strawberry Hibiscus Tea and it's amazing. STRONG strawberry flavor. I've only had it iced, but I'm sure it would be good hot, too. It's a gorgeous red color and when it's steeping the whole kitchen has a delicious strawberry scent. 

Incidentally, Blogger has changed a few things and they have a setting which allows me to post a link (like I did above with the Strawberry Hibiscus Tea) and instead of taking you away from my blog to the other site it will open the site in a new window. Much nicer, I think. (Try it and you'll see what I mean.)

Okay...I guess I am going to do an exercise or two. Groan. :-p

More later...

Ouch!

Yesterday morning I had a physical therapy appointment at 9:00. They call it "pre-hab" -- exercising muscles prior to surgery. I had to do a series of exercises and stretches -- maybe about nine? -- I have a sheet of paper somewhere, but I'm too sore to find it -- and do each exercise for four minutes. In case you are wondering, four minutes can be a very long time.

They evaluated me ahead of time. I'm not entirely sure what the results showed, but he said that my right leg is "sixteen degrees off of straight" (I can't straighten my right leg -- I can still straighten the left one) and he said I'm "strong" (which I knew -- my legs have always been strong, even with -- and maybe partly because of -- my bad knees).

Since I'm "strong" (I put it in quotes because it IS a relative thing), he made me do most of the exercises with ankle weights. One or two of them were not bad, but most of them were VERY tiring after four minutes. The worst -- by far -- was the hamstring stretch. I saw stars during that one. I sat on the edge of a padded table with my left foot on the floor and my right leg stretched out in front of me. I had to reach down to my right foot and pull back on the toes. I can do this -- but try holding this stretch for four minutes -- it's TORTURE! I cheated a few times on this one because it was just ridiculous.

After the torture was over, I went over to a padded table (with nice pillows), had my legs elevated on a big foam cushion, and received "cooling and stim." They stuck electrodes all around my knee and stimulated it with an electrical current. Sort of a buzzy feeling -- not great, not terrible. They wrapped everything in a cold gel wrap. They wanted to have me lie there for fifteen minutes, but I was late for watching Kael and quit after five.

I dragged my leg out of there -- I was really pooped. But by the afternoon, my knee was feeling GREAT. I have no idea why, but there you go.

Kael -- my darling, beautiful Kael -- was simply wonderful. He is just such a joy to spend time with and it is such a delight to see the world through his eyes. Alisha was getting her hair cut and she arrived looking chic and lovely, joined us for lunch, and then went to Target to buy some shorts so she doesn't have to suffer through our Alabama summer in jeans.

By the time they left -- 3:30 or so -- I was exhausted. I cheated for dinner and just made sloppy joes, so I rested for a bit and then had ladies' Bible study last night.

Irene has been diligent and faithful and scrupulous with giving me feedback on Caroline. Irene -- I have not even looked at your first email about Google. I just have not had time. BUT -- I've saved it and will go over everything you've suggested. Please know that I really appreciate it and want you to be as picky as you can be. Your suggestions are perfect. I will begin working on it again for certain this coming week.

Today is a gorgeous day; yesterday was, too, but it was actually very cool. I'd planned to put the swimming pool out for Kael but the high temperature was only about 70 and the water is so cold that it wasn't a good plan. He played with the hose anyway, and had a blast (kids and water: perfect combination). Today it will get into the upper 70s and if I can tear myself away from the ball game I'm going to lie out there for my customary twenty minutes.

And -- yes, I am SORE today. I don't even know if my knee hurts because the muscles in my leg are so achy. I'm not going to exercise today, but I'll do 'em all over again tomorrow!

More later...

How Blessed Am I?

I got this text from Alex tonight:

"Kael very often says 'we're three' and such, talking about the family [Alex, Alisha, Kael], and Alisha and I asked, 'What if we were four?' You know -- sibling thoughts. Well, Kael goes, "Four? We're missing Nana! Nana is four! Nana is my favorite lady!"

How precious is he??? (And how happy am I that Alex sent me that text?)

More later...

A Little (Vegan) Cheese with that Whine?

Did I sound whiny before? I apologize. I know -- believe me -- that there are many, many people with much worse situations than mine. I am ashamed of myself. I guess that part of the function of this blog is to write what I feel -- but that doesn't mean I don't need any filter at all. I'm grateful and blessed that one way or another there is an end in sight for my knee issues. I am likely to have more knee function than I've had for over thirty years, which would be amazing. So I just need to suck it up and do what needs to be done.

Along those lines, I've dropped off both release forms at the appropriate doctors. If the orthopedist nurse has not called me by Monday, I'm going to call her. I THINK that as soon as she gets the forms we can schedule the surgery, so I'm eager for that to happen.

And now, without further ado, here is chapter six of Caroline...

Dinner was a typically chaotic Brennan family affair. If Kael wasn’t loudly complaining about his work schedule he was going on and on about a canoe trip in the Everglades that he was planning with a couple of friends. Donny was teasing his parents to take him to Disney World. Mr. Brennan chattered on about the softball league he belonged to and Dr. Brennan tried to engage Alex by asking him about his family, where he lived in New York, what his interests were. In the middle of all of this Barkley began sounding his “I’ve got an animal cornered” bark. 

“I’ll go,” Caroline quickly volunteered, happy for an excuse to get away from all the noise. Sure enough, Barkley had discovered a gopher tortoise in a corner by the back door to the clinic. Mrs. Anderson, Caroline’s calico cat, looked down on the scene from the roof, her tail flicking rapidly. The tortoise wasn’t moving of course, and had retreated as far into its shell as it possibly could. Barkley was elated, even if his discovery wasn’t doing much. Besides, he got most of his enjoyment out of barking and jumping and seeing if he could make one of his people come to check to see what the fuss was all about.

After assuring Barkley that he was indeed the smartest, handsomest, cleverest, and bravest dog in the history of Bonita Key Caroline found an empty milk crate in the garage and placed the tortoise inside. After dinner she’d get Alex to walk over to the dunes area with her and they’d release it.

By the time she got back into the house, dinner was almost over. “What did Barkley find?” asked Donny through a mouthful of garlic bread. 

“A gopher,” said Caroline. “I’ll walk it down to the dunes in a bit.”

“A gopher?” Alex looked confused. “Like…a groundhog?”

Mr. Brennan explained. “A gopher is what people around here call gopher tortoises. My grandmother called ‘em ‘scrub chickens’ because her family would catch them and eat them, but it’s illegal to do that now. They make burrows in sandy dunes areas, mostly just down the street, and occasionally one will make a wrong turn and end up in Barkley territory. Barkley wouldn’t do much damage to it but we always rescue the poor things and take them back where they came from.”

It was Donny’s turn to clear the table and Kael’s to wash the dishes, so that left Caroline free to run her wildlife rescue mission. Alex insisted on a quick detour to her bedroom so that he could retrieve the letter. He slipped it back underneath his shirt and they were off to save the tortoise. Caroline took Alex around back where she’d stashed the creature. Alex grabbed one side of the milk crate and she took the other and they walked down the block to an undeveloped area of sandy scrubland and dunes. Caroline pointed to a hole in the ground.

“There’s a gopher hole,” she explained. “One gopher will make lots of burrows and other animals live in them, too. A gopher can survive just about anything when he’s in that burrow—even a fire. It never gets too hot or too cold down there. They mostly eat plants—this scrubby looking stuff around here that looks inedible. Okay—we can just leave him here.”

The tortoise sat there after they placed him on the sand, immobile, still tightly encased in his shell. They stood quietly and watched him and eventually he began to poke his nose out a little bit. That was it, though.

“They’re not exactly the most exciting animals in the world,” admitted Caroline. “Hey—did you think about Chris and Cassie at all during supper?”

“Are you kidding? That’s the only thing I thought about. By the way—is your family always that…um…loud?”

Caroline laughed. “Man, they were on their best behavior for you tonight! You should see us when we really get going!”

“I’d like that,” Alex said. “My folks are great and all, but it’s always pretty quiet at our place.”

“So, what is it like to live in a penthouse in New York City?” Caroline asked. At dinner Alex had mentioned that he lived in an apartment—Caroline knew about the penthouse part because of her research online.

“It’s like living anyplace else. Hey wait—how did you know that I live in a penthouse?” Alex asked sharply. Suddenly his expression softened and he laughed. “I guess I live here now so I need to expect everyone to know everything about me.”

“Well, you attacked me,” Caroline defended herself. “I had to know who I was dealing with,” she added sheepishly.

“So what else do you know about me? How do you find this stuff out?” Alex looked interested.

“I went online. There’s a lot of information out there about your parents. Your mother’s really beautiful, by the way—I found a picture of the three of you. You pretty much told us everything else I found out about you—except for the penthouse part, I mean.”

“Do you think we can find out anything online to help us with this mystery of the pictures and the letter?”

Caroline paused for a second, thinking. “I’m not sure. I don’t know how long ago all of this happened. Give me your email address, though, and if I come up with something tonight I’ll let you know right away.”

The sun was setting. In Florida, especially in the summer, when the sun goes down the mosquitoes come out. Caroline swatted her arms a couple of times, smacked Alex once just for fun, and the two of them said good night.

“Come on over after breakfast tomorrow, Alex. We’ll go down to the library and make a copy of the letter and the pictures.” Caroline took the empty crate and headed back home. She wanted to get to her computer to see if she could poke around and find something useful, something that might help them to solve this puzzle. She also wanted to see if there were any emails from Rachel and Hannah. She went into the house and headed for her room.

Caroline grew thoughtful as she closed the door to her bedroom. Something was bothering her about the pictures in the tiny frame. She couldn’t put her finger on what it was, though.

She logged on and sure enough there were emails from the twins. Hannah’s was filled with stories of her aunts and cousins and how much she missed Caroline. Rachel’s was all about how much she missed Kael. Caroline answered them, omitting the story of the photographs and the letter. She wanted to keep that information to herself—or between her and Alex—for the time being. She sat and stared mindlessly at her computer screen. That’s when she saw it.

“Find your old college roommate!” the advertisement along the side of the web page read. “Track down that high school sweetheart!” It was a service that promised, for a fee, to help people find old friends and acquaintances using the resources available through the internet. What hit Caroline like a ton of bricks, however, were the faces staring out at her from the web page. A serious young man and a smiling young woman in black and white images with hairstyles right out of the 1980s. Old yearbook pictures.

“Old yearbook pictures,” Caroline said aloud, smacking herself on the side of her head. “That’s what those pictures are—old yearbook photos!” She quickly went to her dresser and took out the tarnished frame. She opened it gently and studied the pictures inside carefully. They were slightly different—Chris’s face was a tiny bit larger than Cassie’s, as if the photograph it had been cut from was a little bit bigger. She carefully pried the pictures out of the frame using the point of a nail file. She turned them over. Like Chris’s photo, Cassie’s had part of another image on the back, and also part of what Caroline assumed was a name:  “—e Dou—.” The type underneath each photograph was slightly different.

“They’ve used a different font,” Caroline thought to herself. “I wonder if they’re from different yearbooks—different years or even different schools.”

Excited, she sat down at her computer to email Alex. She took a moment to add him to her buddy list and as soon as she did he popped up, showing that he was also online.

“Hey,” she messaged. “I figured something out about the pictures!”

“???,” Alex typed. She filled him in with her latest theory.

“That’s good,” Alex responded. “What’s on the back of each picture?”

“On the back of Chris’ picture I can see part of someone’s head and the letters ‘Joa’,” Caroline typed. “And on Cassie’s there’s a letter ‘e’ and then a space and the letters ‘Dou.’ Y? Do u think it might be something important?”

“Well, the ltrs on the back of Cassie are probably part of a last name. So her last name would start with something close to the beginning of the alphabet – close to the letter D – probably a B, C, D, E, or F, depending on how big her school was. We don’t know if the letters on the back of Chris are a first or a last name, so that’s not quite as helpful. I have a feeling, though, that if we track down one of these people we’re going to be able to find the other.”

Caroline typed a smiley face: “ :-D ”

“ttyl,” Alex responded. Talk to you later.

Caroline signed off and went downstairs. Her parents were in the family room. Mr. Brennan was watching television and Dr. Brennan was reading a veterinary journal.

“Mom, do you have any of your old high school yearbooks?” Caroline asked.

“Sure, honey. Bottom shelf of the bookcase in my room.” Dr. Brennan was too engrossed in her journal to wonder why Caroline would want an old yearbook.

Caroline’s mother had gone to high school in Seminole, a small town near St. Petersburg. “The Home of the Fighting Warhawks!” was embossed on the front of the book. Caroline opened its pages. The pictures in her mother’s book were larger than those in the frame, but they had the same look, the boys and girls had similar poses and expressions.

“And similar hair styles,” Caroline realized. “Maybe Cassie and Chris are the same age as my parents!”

Just to be thorough, she quickly skimmed the entire book, looking for photographs the same size as the ones in the frame. There weren’t any – the pictures of the seniors were too big and in color and the ones of everyone else were too small.

“I wonder if they went to school around here. Maybe we can find some old yearbooks at the library tomorrow.” Caroline was getting more excited, determined to find Chris or Cassie or Danny.

She didn’t think it was going to be possible for her to fall asleep that night. So much had happened in twenty-four short hours! It was not a typical summer day on Bonita Key, that’s for sure. She thought again about the letter, about the picture frame, and wondered about the people in the photographs. Had Cassie gone to New York and married Chris? Had he become a famous inventor? Was she an international spy? And the most intriguing question of all: who had hidden the envelope underneath the gazebo…and why?

More later...

Let's Ketchup

Okay, first I'll spill my guts and then--later today--I'll post chapter six of Caroline.

Every. Day. I am busy. I think I have a day free and Mel needs to go to Belk's or Alisha needs me to watch Kael so she can get a haircut. Do NOT get me wrong: the most important things in my life are taking Mel to Belk's and watching Kael. They are not burdens, they are joys. Lately the joys have been coming fast and furious.

I got home from St. Louis last Thursday night. Friday I was busy getting ready for a semi-seder at church that evening. Bruce was going to introduce the elements of the seder plate to the congregation, so I needed to make haroset (apples, cinnamon, sugar, walnuts, sweet wine, lemon juice), roast chicken wings (you just cannot get shank bones these days), boil eggs, etc.

Saturday was spent recovering from the trip, going to Publix and Fresh Market, and getting Easter baskets ready. Sunday was Easter, of course. The kids came over and I think a good time was had by all.

Monday I took Mel and Abbey (her daughter, who had the day off from school) to Belk's and to Walmart, and then went to the doctor and to Publix, where I spend half my waking hours. The doctor visit was to get a referral to an orthopedic surgeon to see if my knees are candidates for replacement. Without doing blood work, all they could really do was listen to my heart, lungs, etc., and check my blood pressure and weight. The listening stuff has never been a problem -- apparently all my body sounds are just as they are supposed to be. The weight, of course, was down about forty pounds, and the blood pressure was also considerably lower.

The orthopedist was able to see me the very next day, so after spending the morning with Mel at Publix I hustled over to Montgomery and shot my entire afternoon over there. He did not beat around the bush: my knees stink. Knee replacement, yes.

I have to go back to St. Louis at the end of June, so my first thought was to delay the surgery until after that. I am having second thoughts, kind of. It's possible to line everything up to do the surgery in as little as four weeks and if I can do that I'll be four weeks past surgery when I head to St. Louis. From all indications (everything I read, etc.), that should be fine. I'm going to push ahead with doing the things I have to do and when they call to schedule the surgery I'm going to see what the calendar looks like.

The reason I'm kind of in a hurry is because my life has -- suddenly -- gotten very, very difficult. I don't know why all of a sudden things are so bad, but in just the past couple of months the pain has gone from a manageable level to one that is barely tolerable. Unless I am sitting on the couch, everything I do causes me pain. I'm really tired of not being able to walk into the kitchen, go to the bathroom, play with Kael without varying degrees of decrepitude and pain. I want to be able to walk through a store -- now I creep like I'm some kind of criminal who's casing the joint. I want to be able to sit in a bathtub (I can't do it now because there's no way I could get out). I want to be able to sit in any chair I want without having to think about whether or not I'll be able to get up after I fall down into it (I don't "sit," I fall). I want to be able to go on vacation and walk through a museum or hike into the woods. I want this OVER.

This morning I finished writing up my paperwork for the last class and then went to my family doctor to have blood drawn (nobody's looked at my numbers for a few years). I'd told him that unless something is horribly, horribly wrong I would not want any kind of treatment based on these numbers. I intend to keep on losing weight and then to see if whatever numbers might be bad have improved (I don't know that ANY numbers are bad, of course). He was fine with all that. So, anyway, I had that done and I dropped off a letter that my orthopedist requires him to sign to say that as far as he knows I'll likely survive the surgery. I also have to take a letter to my dentist because they want all dental work done before the operation and none done for at least six months afterwards (even a cleaning releases tons of nasty bacteria into your bloodstream). I'm going to drive the letter over to her office -- those two letters are what is necessary for them to schedule the actual surgery, so I want them taken care of as soon as possible.

Tomorrow I have an appointment with a physical therapist. I have to go four times to learn exercises that will build up my leg muscles and facilitate recovery after the surgery. To be honest, I think my leg muscles are VERY strong. Fat people have strong legs.

He will only do one knee at a time, so I don't have that decision to make. He says that it's possible that after I have one knee done I won't need to have the other done for a year or two. I am very skeptical. He asked which knee I wanted done first, and I named the right, but I am having second thoughts about that, too. I guess if I can't decide it means that any differences are so slight that it doesn't really matter. I have no idea how long I'll have to wait before he would do the other knee; I'm not looking that far into the future.

Sometimes I find this kind of overwhelming. I'm angry that my body has betrayed me in this way (although it was likely my actions -- most of which were done out of ignorance -- that caused this situation). I'm sad that I have to have my leg sliced open and bone sawed out. I don't know why I'm sad -- it doesn't make sense to me -- but there you go. I'm going through with it, of course -- I WANT to have this done -- but it's not unalloyed joy by any means.

So. There you go. I think we've caught up. It seems like it's been a million years since I've written, but it's only been about a week. A lot can happen in a week.

More later...

"Normal" Life

I'm so sorry for the radio silence. I've not had time to breathe -- rather, when I HAVE had time it's been late at night and my brain hasn't been blog-worthy.

Much to catch up on, much to relate, new chapters to post. No time now, but TOMORROW is shaping up to be a NORMAL DAY. In other words, I should have time to write.

The biggest news: I'm headed for a knee replacement. I have to teach in St. Louis at the end of June, so I can't do it before then. I hope I'll be in surgery the week following that trip, though!

More later...

Long, Long, Long, Long Day

Eleven hours to drive to St. Louis, ten-and-a-half to drive home (it should take nine). I think God is telling me that I don't belong there.

I promise to post more tomorrow. I'm exhausted -- but I'm home.

More later...

Matters of Conscience

When the Department of Health and Human Services mandated that groups that provide insurance must cover contraception, sterilization, and abortion-inducing drugs, I really did not panic. Such an overreach, so absurd, such an unconstitutional slap at religious freedom -- I knew it could not stand. When the Obama Administration refused to back down, I felt cold inside. That the Administration could look at a religion like Roman Catholicsm -- which has been around for hundreds of years longer than the United States has -- and say, "You must pay for things that you consider to be sin" was so absurd that I felt like we had turned a very, very dark corner.

I alternated between fear, anger, and despair. Nothing that has happened in our government in my lifetime has affected me like this one thing. Because when I think of who I am, the first thing I grab onto is that I am a child of God, a Christian, a believer. The idea that the government of my country might try to force me to commit what I believe to be sin is surreal. Except that it's not -- it's very real.

Sure, I don't agree with the Catholic church on this issue. But that is not the point. The next mandate may very well be something that goes against MY faith. When people do not hold strong views of faith -- like most (if not all) those in the present Administration -- they don't realize what attacking an article of faith can mean. People DIE for their faith -- they start wars, they start countries, for crying out loud. They started OUR country.

No matter what you believe you cannot, must not, sit by and allow this to go unnoticed. I'd like to share an email that my pastor sent out today.

2 April, 2012

Dear saints of God at MPC,

I pray that God is sustaining you, supplying every need, and sanctifying you through your sufferings and using them for His glory!

One of the most difficult balances we attempt to achieve in the Church is to live in this world yet not be of it. We who follow Christ are citizens of the Heavenly Kingdom, this world is not our home, we are aliens and strangers and the stranger the better, so to speak. We witness best by being “weird” (in the eyes of the unregenerate).

Part of the struggle with balance is the need to speak to the political realm, while not believing that our primary duty is to build civil governments. We have lost that balance at times in our churches. We have confused Christianity with conservative politics. Biblical principles should inform our politics but our primary passion and efforts should not be in building and promoting a certain political perspective, but in promoting the gospel and building the Church. That being said, we are keenly interested in political matters for two related reasons: Christ is Lord of all things, including the civil magistrate; and we long for a properly limited and confined governmental structure so that we can live according to the dictates of the Word of God without fear of oppression and persecution. Such a freedom has been rare for believers throughout the centuries. The USA has been a God-given blessing to the whole world because of her biblically-inspired heritage of limited government that afforded Christians such fearlessness in faith. It is that which is being threatened today by some currently in elected and appointed positions within the civil magistrate and it is that about which I am writing you.

You’ve surely seen the news regarding what’s been termed the contraceptive issue which has stemmed from an unconstitutional overreach, by some who are in positions of authority, mandating that all employers provide contraception coverage in their insurance plans. The very fact of the government mandating any type of insurance is appalling by itself. But the most offensive element of this is the attempt to force Roman Catholic institutions, who believe that attempts to prevent pregnancy in marriage is a sin, to comply with this constitution-shredding requirement. The issue is not about the availability and affordability of various contraceptive options. It is ultimately about an attempt by the government to force an established religious order to violate their conscience in order to comply with the government’s view of what is right. If they do not comply they are threatened with crippling penalties.

Do not buy the media spin that it’s about contraceptives. It’s about conscience and about a commitment to follow what one believes are the commands of God without fear of consequences from civil authorities. John Willson writes, “…an American evangelical tradition going back to Roger Williams insisted that the ‘Garden of Christianity’ was safe from the corruption of the ‘Wilderness of the World’ only if governments could be held at bay and Christian consciences allowed to flourish.”

Make no mistake; this attack on that area is intentional for two reasons: for one it is an attempt to divide the sometimes politically united house of the broader “Christian” community. Those imposing this mandate know that we Protestants do not agree with the Roman Catholics on the issues of contraception (among other issues) so they are hoping that we will let it slide with the thinking that it doesn’t directly affect us. That thinking would be wrong. If this conscience trampling is allowed to stand, guess where they’ll turn next? Secondly, those on the far left side of the political spectrum, particularly those who have openly rejected and expressed disdain for Christianity, attack the area of pregnancy because childbirth is a vital part of the Christian faith. After “the fall” God promised to save mankind through childbirth. Eve was called “life” by her husband. Christ came via the woman bearing a Child. The intentional killing of infants has been a part of the most vile and reprobate religions for eons and the viciousness with which all who oppose abortion and abortion providers are attacked shows how precious the killing of children, the limiting of the number of children, is to many people. The “right” to prevent and terminate pregnancy, to engage in unrestrained sexual indulgence without the cost or consequences of carrying a child, is an effort very much in keeping with a godless and violent worldview.

I am writing to ask you to do three things: First, be vocal and express your outrage at this infuriating dictate. We must join together to fight this sort of intrusive destruction of the rights of conscience and the freedom of religion or we will be likewise threatened even more than we already are. For the sake of the Church in America and our children, do not quietly acquiesce. Secondly, when you vote this fall you will be forced to choose among imperfect candidates. The likely opposition party candidate for the presidency has been way too “squishy” on the issue of life in times past in my view. That might tempt some to throw up their hands in frustration and stay home or do something else to protest. However, there is a clear cut difference between the major candidates and parties in their stated views on abortion. I believe that we must be vigorous in opposing those that have stated and demonstrated support for this destructive practice and who have indicated that they do not respect the consciences and convictions of Christians. Respect for conscience and respect for life are fundamental issues that are under attack by many elected and appointed officials. I would encourage you to let your voice be heard and your vote be counted in support of life and religious freedom. We must vote to remove those who will not remove support from the abortion industry. It is no exaggeration to say that our nation’s free future very much depends upon our taking up the fight now. Most importantly, let’s do as we have been instructed in God’s Word: Pray for our leaders that God might thwart evil designs and change rebellious minds. We must humbly entreat God to be merciful to His people and children. Let’s be like our forefathers and show a willingness to enter the fray for the next generations. Let’s enter it on our knees and with our words before God and men!

May our God help us and show us His mercies,

Pastor Steve

More later...

Yawn!

Well, yesterday ended up strange. Instead of writing, I fell asleep at 6:45 (!!!), woke up for three hours, and fell asleep again and slept until 7:30. I am learning that chronic pain is energy sapping (this is good for all of us to realize when we deal with people who LOOK fine but tell you they are hurting). Since my knees have gotten worse my energy levels have dropped. I'm good for one activity per day, basically. My class is filled with absolutely wonderful people who do not mind me sitting when I lecture, so work has been okay. But when I go out and DO anything (like trying on 100 bras), I get wiped out FAST.

Knees -- terrible again today. I cannot wait to get home and start the program again and find some relief! I am encouraged to know that relief WILL come from adjusting my diet, though!!!

(Irene -- my toes are some form of scarlet -- since I fell asleep so early I did not give myself a pedicure, which I need!)

I also forgot to post a new chapter of Caroline, too. So here is chapter five:


“What are you waiting for?” Caroline urged. “Read the letter!”

“It’s not our letter,” Alex stated flatly. “We have no business reading it.”

“Geez, Alex. If everyone followed that rule no one would ever discover ancient treasure maps or learn about lost civilizations. What if it’s a ransom note and we solve a kidnapping? Besides, I don’t know any ‘Cassie’ and I grew up here. Go on—maybe the letter will help us figure out how to return this stuff to its rightful owner,” she added quickly, hoping this would appeal to his sense of justice.

Apparently it did the trick. “All right. I suppose it is on my parents’ property, anyway.”

Caroline bent over to pick up the flat oval object that Alex had dumped out of the envelope. It was some kind of metal, a little bigger than a quarter, and had a seam running around its perimeter. It was tarnished to a dull brown color, a faint swirl pattern pressed into its sides. She wedged her fingernail into the edge and pried it open. It was a tiny picture frame, the smallest she’d ever seen, made to hold two photographs. As she opened the frame a tiny leg popped out of the back, allowing the frame to stand, propped open, on a flat surface. Inside the frame were two black and white photographs, one on each side. The photographs had aged a bit but Caroline saw two smiling faces, one of a young man and the other of a young woman. They looked familiar somehow, yet she couldn’t place either of them.

She looked up at Alex. “Read,” she commanded him.

Alex sighed, unfolded the letter, and read aloud.

“Dear Cassie,” he began.

“I’m so sorry, my darling, but I have to leave right away. I can’t wait even long enough for you to return from Jacksonville, but I must be on the bus to New York City this evening.

“Our prayers have been answered, Cassie. I’ve been offered a job—an engineering job—which will give me the resources I need to see some of my inventions take form and perhaps even be manufactured. This offer is everything we’ve been praying for—maybe more. The only down side is that it’s so far away.

“I want you to come with me, Cassie. To marry me, just like we’ve been talking about. I can’t imagine all of this without having you at my side to share it. You’ve been my inspiration all along, encouraging me to stick with my creations even when I wanted to give up. Even when my folks—and just about everyone else—told me to stop dreaming. Any success that I will ever have in this life, my dearest Cassie, will be due to your encouragement and your faith in me.

“I’ll be making enough money to support us in New York. We won’t be rich, but we won’t starve. And we’ll be together. Forever. You can apply to the CIA like you’ve dreamed—or go to college—anything you want to do.

“I wish I could see you right now. Or at least talk to you about all this. I know what you’d say, though. I know that you want this for me—maybe even more than I want it for myself.

“I’m giving this letter to Danny, along with a picture frame that I bought for you this morning after I got the news. I’ll buy you an engagement ring, of course, but I want you to have this now. Danny’s promised to pass them along to you as soon as you get home. I’ve given him a plane ticket for you, too, Cassie. If you say ‘yes,’ I’ll meet you at the airport gate and whisk you off to City Hall to be married. The ticket is for two weeks from now. That will give me time to find us a place to live and time for you to do the things that you have to do before you can join me.

“Before you can marry me. Before we can begin the rest of our lives together.

“I know it’s not the fancy wedding that you deserve. But more important than our wedding will be our marriage, our life together.

“I love you with all my heart, my beautiful Cassie.

“Yours, always yours, Chris.”

Alex’s voice trailed off. He looked up at Caroline with a questioning look on his face.
“Do you know anything about this? Do these names ring any bells?” he asked.

“Wow. No. I don’t know any Cassie, and Danny and Chris are such common names that they’re not much help as far as clues go. There’s not a plane ticket in the envelope with a last name, is there? Is there a date on the letter?”

“No date—it just says ‘Friday afternoon’ on the top of the first page. And nothing else in the envelope—just the letter and the frame. How did it get under my gazebo? And why was it there in the first place? Hey—I thought you said it was boring around here!”

“Check out the frame, Alex. How long ago do you think this letter was written? Look at the pictures – maybe we can figure something out based on their hairstyles or their clothes. Oh—you can’t really see what they’re wearing.”

Alex took a pocketknife out of his shorts. Very gently he pried the picture of the man out of the frame. “Look at this, Caroline. They’re not photographs like you’d take with a camera. They’re cut out of a book or magazine or something.” He handed her the small picture.

She turned it over. On the back was part of a picture of someone else—the very top of a head—and part of what might be a name above that: “Joa—.” The rest of the word was cut off. “I wonder where these pictures came from. Hey—maybe this IS part of a kidnap plot. I mean, your house is a mansion and all. And she wanted to join the CIA! Maybe she became a spy! Maybe someone was kidnapped and the frame is the kidnapper’s proof that he had Cassie and—”

“Caroline,” Alex interrupted. “This is a love letter, not a ransom note. And you already told me that everyone on the island knows about everybody else. Don’t you think you’d have heard if there had been a kidnapping, even if it was fifty years ago?”

“Okay, Mr. Knows Everything, what’s your idea?”

“Maybe there was a tragic accident. Maybe just as Cassie was about to get on the airplane to New York she got word that Chris had been killed and in her grief—”

“In her grief she wrapped up his letter and the frame, stuck them inside a mayonnaise jar, and hid them in your gazebo? Yeah, sure, that makes a lot more sense than my kidnapping idea,” Caroline scoffed.

“Okay, well, let’s think about it. The jar was hidden. Was it hidden so that no one could find it or was it hidden so that only one person could find it?” Alex was thinking out loud. “Maybe Chris hid it here because he knew Cassie would find it. But maybe something happened and she never got here.”

“What about Danny? In the letter, Chris says that he’s giving the letter and the frame and the ticket to Danny. Maybe he’s the one who hid them here and forgot about them or something. Wait, though – how could anyone ever have found them? They were under the floorboard, after all. You had to rip out a board to get to them.” Caroline carefully placed the picture back into its frame. “We’re assuming that these are pictures of Chris and Cassie, right?”

“I think so, yes. That would make sense, anyway. Well, Caroline—what are we going to do with this stuff? Maybe we should take it up to the house and give it to Mrs. Birch.”

Caroline hastily took the letter from Alex. She put the letter and the frame back in the jar and screwed on the lid. “No, Alex. Let’s see if we can figure this thing out by ourselves. We have all summer to solve this mystery. Who knows how long this stuff has been here? A few more weeks won’t make a difference.” Looking at Alex’s doubtful expression she added, “We’ll give everything to Mrs. Birch if we haven’t worked this out by the end of the summer. Deal?”

“All right,” Alex agreed. “Deal.”

“Let’s take this stuff to my house. I need to get this bread to Mom and we can figure out where to hide the jar in my room.”

“Why do you get to keep the stuff?” Alex asked. “I found it. It was on my property. I think the letter and the pictures should stay with me.”

Caroline had to admit that Alex’s claim to the items was stronger than hers. She wasn’t willing to part with them that easily, though.

“I think I should definitely keep the frame,” Caroline stated. “It looks like something a girl might have so it’ll be less suspicious if I’ve got it and someone spots it. Let’s share the stuff now—you keep the letter and I’ll keep the pictures. We can walk down to the library later and make copies of the letter so we can both study it.”

Alex responded as Caroline had figured he would. “All right,” he agreed. “But we need to make copies of the pictures in the frame, too. Just in case.”

After taking their empty milk glasses back to the kitchen and telling Mrs. Birch where they were going, Alex and Caroline headed over to her house. Before they got there, Caroline turned to Alex. “Take the envelope out of the jar and stick it under your shirt. I don’t want anybody to know we’ve got this stuff. I have the nosiest family on the planet.”

The Tomato wasn’t in its usual parking spot as they approached the Brennan house. Kael wasn’t home. Good, Caroline thought. One less person to get past. She quietly opened the front door and she and Alex slipped inside. She could hear her mother singing in the kitchen and the noise of the tv in the family room. “Stick close by me,” she whispered.

As Caroline had figured, Donny didn’t even glance up as the two of them walked by. They got into Caroline’s room undetected and Alex pulled the envelope out from underneath his shirt. He handed it to Caroline.

“I’ll put it in my drawer. No one ever looks in here but me, but I’ll bury it underneath my socks anyway. Let’s go give this bread to Mom before she wonders why we have it in here.”

With the frame and the letter safely stashed away, Caroline and Alex hurried to the kitchen. “Look innocent,” Caroline whispered to Alex as they entered the room.

More later...

Excellent Day

I'm not sure where to begin. Palm Sunday -- I always hate this day (I mean, I hate what happened on this day). Crowds lauded Christ as king and just a few days later shouted, "Crucify him!" I can't get that second part out of my head; I cannot forget how false the praises were. I know that the event itself was a fulfillment of a prophecy in Zechariah 9:9: "Rejoice greatly, O daughter of Zion! Shout aloud, O daughter of Jerusalem! Behold, your king is coming to you; righteous and having salvation is he,
humble and mounted on a donkey, on a colt, the foal of a donkey."

It was not a special day in the church until the 4th Century and as for me, I would not mind it slinking back into obscurity. It does, of course, mark the beginning of Holy Week -- the most powerful week of the year culminating in my most favorite day of the year.

I went out for that bagel and decided I'd like to eat it in a park. I drove to three different parks before I found one that allowed me to sit in my car and have a good view (my knees are absolutely horrible; saving even one step is worthwhile). It was not originally what I had in mind -- not a beautiful view of nature, but a beautiful view of a playground. A little boy was having his birthday party and I thoroughly enjoyed watching him play with his friends in and around the playground equipment. Today was a spectacular day, weather wise -- in the mid- to upper-80s, blue-blue skies, and the plants and trees just BURSTING with color. You drive down the street under a shower of dogwood petals -- how perfect is that? I would move to Florida tomorrow, but I sure would miss spring (I'd vacation in the north in the spring to make up for it).

So I ate my maple oatmeal bagel (with a very very light shmear of peanut butter -- really awesome) and drank my iced tea in paradise this morning. I read a couple of chapters of Emma and was glad to be alive, even with bad knees.

I figured my ability to move around might be limited, so I decided to run the errand that HAD to be run first: buying more underwear. I did that, fine, but here is what is most exciting: I bought two bras. I have not bought bras for I don't know how long -- a decade? More? I mean, it's REALLY bad. I have had all kinds of problems with fit -- I'll go to the store, try on some, and get frustrated and upset and just leave. Well, today I found one that fit really well. Unfortunately, there was only one in my size. There was a sale: buy one, get one for half off, so I grabbed another without trying it on. (I tried on about a hundred other brands and was just too tired to try on one more.) Anyway -- I look ten pounds lighter in this thing. I'm SO happy that I did it.

When I was walking in to the store (Kohl's) I saw a Canadian goose on the planter right by the front door. At first I wasn't sure whether or not he was real. He was standing perfectly still, neck STRAIGHT up in the air, looking straight ahead. As I got close, however, I saw what he was doing. Behind him was another goose, sitting on a nest. The store employees had put water and bread out for them. It's going to be difficult for people to go near that door when the laying starts -- I think they're going to be sorry they encouraged that! Anyway -- kind of neat.

I was right about my energy/pain levels -- after going to Kohl's I was wiped out so I came back to the hotel. My daily Scripture reading was wonderful -- I finished John's gospel yesterday and its successor is Psalms. So I have three Old Testament readings (Leviticus, Psalms, Proverbs) and one in the New (Colossians). Not that Leviticus really counts -- it's kind of in one eye and out the other (I'm deep into how to do sacrifices -- what parts of the animal to burn, what parts to discard, etc. -- not the most compelling passages). I have a very clear memory of memorizing Psalm 1 when I was in elementary school. I loved to memorize and never knew what to tackle next. Psalm 2 I never explicitly sat down to learn, but from reading it so much I think many Christians memorized it by repeated exposure.

I got hungry about an hour ago and thought that Chinese food sounded good. There is a restaurant VERY close by that I'd always ignored: Pei Wei Asian Diner (it's pronounced "pay way"). I did not know this, but it's owned by the PF Chang's company. It's a more casual place -- you go in and place your order at the counter and then have a seat. I got mine to go. The good: large portions (unlike PF Chang's), you can get tofu as one of the meat selections, the sauces that I tried were excellent. The bad: it's basically tofu and rice. The veggies are just diced up and sprinkled on top for color. I cannot eat that much tofu -- I just can't. If I'm making a Chinese dish with tofu, I want the tofu to be NO MORE than a quarter of the veggie/tofu mix. Here, it's about 95% of it. It does look like the Japanese teriyaki bowl has more veggies in it -- I didn't bother to look at a picture of the dishes on the web site -- I just assumed that the vegetables listed would be there in quantity. They are not.

SO -- I might go back and try the teriyaki bowl, but otherwise I'm going to take a pass unless they start adding a few more veggies and a little less "meat." Anyway -- I am not hungry! I got two dishes (for lunch and dinner) and probably ate about a third of each. (I got the Honey Seared and Thai Dynamite. I like spicy dishes but someone told me that their spicy stuff was HOT, so I got a non-hot dish in case I needed to mix them up. No need -- it is NOT very spicy at all.)

Now I'm going to paint my toenails and write!!!

More later...

He's Ba-a-a-a-a-ack!

My upstairs neighbor did not check out. That was just a crazy fantasy of mine. He came in around 1:00, stomped and STOMPED, and is up there now, clomping around. I would give anything to know what he's doing -- it just baffles me. It's like he has one hundred things to take with him today and he has a backpack by the front door and he picks up one thing, walks it over to the backpack, puts it in, gets another thing, walks it over to the backpack, puts it in...And so on. And he definitely does NOT tiptoe.

The weekend is one thing. If he interrupts my sleep badly tonight/tomorrow, I am making the front desk move me, or I'm checking out and going to the hotel next door. And if I ever check in here again and they put me on the first floor, I'm turning right around and leaving.

Insane.

I'm going to go eat bagels. It seems the natural response to something like this.

More later...