Cooking, Cooking, Cooking

I'm in the process of making Dreena's No-fu Love Loaf into no-meatballs. This was SUCH a good loaf that I've actually been craving it and I think it will make really nice balls. I'll make a red sauce with mushrooms, onions, peppers, and garlic, and put the No-fu meatballs into it after I've baked them (I'm going to try 375 for twenty minutes; I'll see how they look at that point).

I'm also making some Cherry Chocolate Chunk Muffins (I don't have a mini-loaf pan, so I'm doing it as muffins). I need these like I need a hole in the head, but I'm making them anyway.

I finished Sense and Sensibility this morning. SO good -- better than I remembered. I thought I would spend the afternoon watching the movie (with Emma Thompson) on tv, but I'd have to buy it for ten bucks and it's not worth it. I own it, but I think I just have a VHS copy, not a dvd. And I don't care that much. The movie (necessarily) cuts out so much of the book that it is decidedly inferior. It was just going to be a diversion, that's all.

I'm in one of my anti-Facebook moods. I don't have it open, so that's a start anyway.

I posted this picture on Facebook last night, but it's so cute that I'm posting it here, too. Alex took it with his cell phone and texted it to me, so the quality is kind of low, but came out so nice! He told me that according to Kael, every wave is "the biggest wave EVER!" He is also loving the pool at the hotel. It's a resort hotel, so the pool is big, has a cave and a waterfall, etc. I asked Alex if Kael had gotten his hair wet and he said, "No." The boy needs to have swimming lessons, for sure. They come back home tomorrow. Alisha wrote that they want to get back home, but they want to stay. I guess that's the mark of a good vacation.

Okay, I'm going to go finish adding ingredients to my no-meatballs and pop them into the oven. 

More later...

Sunny Day

Okay, I'm better today. 'Nuff said.

Yesterday I baked a batch of Brown Sugar Cherry Muffins. They were outstanding. I ate five. I followed this recipe except I used cherries instead of peaches (how could Publix not have peaches???), left out the spices, added an extra half-teaspoon of vanilla, only used a couple tablespoons of oil (next time I will be brave and not use any), and added a couple tablespoons of mashed banana (to make up for the fat). The way I did the fat thing was I cut the end off a frozen banana (I have TONS of frozen bananas in the freezer. I zapped it in my microwave to thaw and it kind of turned into banana mush, which was fine for this recipe. I put it into the third-cup measure and was disappointed to see that it was only about half of a third of a cup. I poured in a little oil, but NOT to the top of the measuring cup, and that's what I used. Honestly, these muffins were GREAT, so the minimized fat was NOT a problem.

One thing I have noticed is that I have started modifying and experimenting with recipes more than I ever used to. I have always made a wide range of dishes, but I was a stickler for following the recipe. I've relaxed a little on that part. :)

Anyway, these muffins contain spelt flour (Publix sells it) and it is a WINNER for baking. Whole grain, but much lighter than whole wheat. Didn't taste whole grain-y to me (but -- I haven't had any white flour in my house for months, so maybe my tastes have just changed). Spelt is an ancient grain -- a type of wheat, actually -- but it's lower in gluten than typical wheat so the muffins are less likely to get tough, even if you over mix (don't over mix your muffins!!!).

The real test: Bruce ate two for breakfast. Bruce NEVER eats muffins. EVER. Honestly, in the 35 years we have been married, I don't think he's ever eaten two muffins in a sitting. (I have no idea why he doesn't like muffins -- what's not to like? -- but there you go.) SO -- while the amount of sugar makes it difficult to really call this recipe "healthy," it's certainly not bad. Once you've left out most of the fat, of course.

Speaking of Bruce and fat -- that is our only area of contention these days. I am on a quest to remove as much fat as possible from our lives and he swears he likes it. (Fat, I mean, not me removing it.) The other day I got annoyed with him and said, "Your cholesterol isn't low enough because you keep eating fat. You might as well eat steak." He looked at me and said, "I really like the way I eat now. It's tasty and interesting." Or words to that effect.

I thought about that. This is a guy who was on Atkins for TEN YEARS. Steak, cheese, full-fat salad dressings, cream, on and on. TEN YEARS he ate this way. He's been eating a plant-based diet for over a year now and I think he cheats less than I do. I really do give him props for taking the leap. (I give ME props for cooking "tasty and interesting" food for him, but still.) I'm proud of him. Everybody in his family dies YOUNG of heart disease or cancer (40s, 50s, 60s tops), so he is doing all he can to buck that trend.

I think I'm going to run to Publix and pick up a few things. I thought I would make Dreena's No-fu Love Loaf, shape it into meatballs instead of a loaf, and have spaghetti and meatballs for supper. I need a green pepper and some mushrooms for the sauce but I think I have everything else I need.

More later...

Do Less

At a certain point, you know, if you just quit DOING you quit BEING.

Bruce keeps saying, "Do less, take it easy" and I know he says it because he loves me and he sees me every day -- no one else does. He sees how long it takes me to get up, he sees when I can't straighten when I walk to the kitchen, he sees how I have to think to negotiate even the smallest of steps -- from our laundry room to the garage, he hears when I groan as I roll over.

I do so little now that I feel like a parasite.

A day like today -- when my ankle hurts (this is new) so much that when Bruce rubs it I feel like there's a knife stabbing me there, when my arms hurt from my shoulders to my wrists, when my feet feel like I've walked all over Disney World -- well, he sees it. "Maybe you should see a doctor," he says. "Maybe there's something else wrong with you."

"No -- this is pretty much what rheumatoid arthritis IS." But I'm not completely convinced that all of my aches and pains ARE due to RA. I wonder if I have something as boring as tendinitis in my elbow -- my jaw is NOT flaring but my elbow is so sore that I can barely bend it enough to touch my face. Usually when my elbow is bad, so is my jaw. Maybe this is just because my dang knees are so bad and the dang surgery is taking so long that everything else is getting screwed up along the way.

But I don't know. I'm just guessing.

I can finally say that the surgery is in "three-something weeks." Sounds better than what I've been saying.

I have a prayer request. I'm going to meet with Dr. Barringer on the morning of Friday, June 22. I'm going to ask him to schedule my second surgery two months after my first. I know he doesn't like to do them that soon, but I am prepared to make my case. I'll cry if I have to. If you'd pray that his heart will be moved to scoot up that second surgery I would really appreciate it.

More later...

Salad Days

It's hot here. Hotter than in Florida (not by much, but still). There's going to be a little break in the heat next week, but for now it's 90s as far as the eye can see. I really didn't want to make Bruce fire up the grill -- it seemed like a weekend for salads more than anything else.

So I picked out three different salads -- very different. With my trusty helper in the kitchen we made one salad, ate it, and then made the other two.

The first one (from Isa Chandra Moskowitz's Appetite for Reduction) just had two ingredients and the dressing. Romaine lettuce and "eggplant bacon." To make the bacon you take a small eggplant (no bigger than four inches wide at its widest point), slice it in half, and then slice those halves into 1/8-inch half moons. Don't worry about making them too uniform. Put the slices on a parchment paper-lined cookie sheet and spray them lightly with Pam. Bake them at 425 for about 8 minutes. I did not bake them long enough, so I want to make it again and do a few things differently. Anyway, they should come out starting to turn brown in spots and some of the thinner slices may even have some burned spots. If they do, just take them off the cookie sheet. The other slices you should just flip over and bake for about 3 more minutes. I cooked mine a lot longer and I still don't think I did it long enough. The slices are supposed to be really browning by this point and mine weren't. You're supposed to put 2 tablespoons of soy sauce and 1/2 teaspoon of Liquid Smoke in a bowl and dip the slices in when they're cool enough to handle, but I just put all of it into a plastic bag, put the slices in, mooshed everything around, and there you go. You lower the temperature of the oven to 350 and bake them for a few more minutes. You should use them within a few hours, according to the recipe. Next time I will add a teaspoon of brown sugar to the bag to get a sweeter bacon-y flavor. And I'll cook them long enough.

The dressing was very unusual and good. Bruce loved it; I don't like raw onion and it was a little strong for me, but it was still good. She calls it "Caesar Chavez Dressing" and it was not dissimilar to a real Caesar dressing. I made it in my Vitamix; she says to process it for five minutes in a food processor. I just threw everything in and whipped it right up: 2 tablespoons of roughly chopped shallot, 2 tablespoons of cashews, 1 tablespoon tahini, 1 tablespoon miso (any color -- we used white), 1/3 cup water, 2 tablespoons lemon juice, 1 teaspoon Dijon mustard, 1 tablespoon capers with brine, 1/8 teaspoon salt, black pepper.

Between us we ate an entire bag of romaine lettuce and half an eggplant, just on this salad. I was quite stuffed for a long time.

But -- I had the ingredients and the desire to make two more salads, so we went back into the kitchen. About seven weeks ago Bruce emailed me a recipe, which he never does. Since I always want help with picking out recipes, you'd think I would've jumped right on that, wouldn't you? I did not -- but today was the day. The vegetables included half a head of grated cabbage, two grated carrots, a bunch of chopped cilantro, a red bell pepper, and 4-5 green onions. The dressing ingredients were 3 tablespoons of rice wine vinegar, 1 teaspoon sesame oil, 3 tablespoons peanut butter, 1 1/2 tablespoons soy sauce, a tablespoon of grated ginger, and 2-3 minced cloves of garlic. It's a gorgeous salad -- really one of the prettiest things I've made. I would add another tablespoon of peanut butter and about half a cup of chopped salted peanuts to the salad itself. And -- needless to say, I cut out all the oil in the original recipe except for the teaspoon of sesame oil (which I cut back from a tablespoon). We did not miss any of that.

Finally, I wanted to have a substantial salad with lots of protein, so I made a black-eyed pea salad. This one I can just link you to: Black-Eyed Pea Salad. I made it exactly as the recipe calls for except I just left out the canola oil and didn't miss it one little bit.

Needless to say, I'm stuffed. And I feel really healthy! There's no more Caesar salad, but there's plenty of the second two for leftovers tomorrow and I'll make some kind of bread to go with them (I wanted to do that today, but I ran out of energy).

Tomorrow Bruce is embarking on a 200k bike ride. For most of us, that's 124.7 miles. I think he's planning to ride for about ten hours. Sounds like torture to me. I'm mildly concerned because he'll be by himself, but he'll have his phone and I'm going to make him check in with me every hour or so.

Alex and Alisha are in Florida and I'm craving updates. I've been very good and have not called, but I keep checking Facebook to see if she's posted pictures (so far, not really). They spent today with my Mom and Alex texted me a picture of Kael with chocolate all over his face (from a cupcake). That's always a winner.

I'm exhausted, but yesterday was my day to do my leg exercises and I didn't do it so I REALLY MUST do them today. No time like the present.

More later...

Public Service Announcement

By the way -- this has been out and about for some time, but in case you haven't seen it...

Some bad people put out some malware a while ago ("malware" is evil software). Lots of computers were infected, but the good guys got involved and under a court order that expires in July they have been keeping infected computers from doing bad things. On July 9, if your computer is infected, your online world can come crashing to a halt. Go to this web site to see if your computer is infected (and how to fix it if it is).

http://www.dcwg.org/

(Click on the "Detect" button and then on one of the links that follows.)

More later...

24/7

I woke up at 5:00 this morning because I had to go to the bathroom (yes, I'm sure you were dying to hear this). I sat on the edge of the bed just dreading the walk to the toilet. My knees were hurting just sitting there, so I knew that walking was going to be dreadful. I asked Bruce (who is always awake at 5:00 a.m.) to bring the walker to let me try it out. I think it helped. It was slower, but less painful.

When we went to that stupid class at the hospital they told us that we would need a walker for a couple of days (or so) at home. At our church there is this storage area called "the dungeon" and I'd been down there last summer looking for things to use for Alex and Alisha's wedding and I was pretty sure that there were walkers down there. No sense buying one that I'll only need for a short period of time, God willing. Bruce brought one home and we adjusted the height for me and maybe I will use it occasionally.

When I awoke for good around 9:00 I did not feel the need to use it. You just never know.

I increased the weight that I use for my leg exercises yesterday -- four pounds in the ankle weight. I said my goal was to be at five pounds by the surgery, but I think I can be at an even higher weight. I've been looking at post-surgery exercises, too, and they're all things that I can handle fine. Not sure I want to bother paying for physical therapy when I have all this information on the web from various physical therapists! Anyway, we'll see.

Can you tell I'm antsy? I think if this knee situation was permanent I would adjust my life and move past it. Since it's not, I'm on hold. All day long I think about knees. All night long-- if I want to turn over I wake up because it hurts to move -- I think about knees. I'm so OVER knees!!!

I am watching a flock of sparrows and finches in my backyard. When I say "flock," I'm not exaggerating. There are four or five on the feeder, six or seven on the ground, countless in the oak tree. Besides the seed, there's a bunch of peanut butter Cheerios out there, too. I poured myself a bowl earlier -- too much because I finished the box and there wasn't enough to save, plus it was getting stale. When I finished eating it I asked Bruce (who was home for lunch) to toss it on the ground for the birds. some of them like it, some ignore it. No accounting for taste.

I wasn't stiff this morning when I woke up. Well -- I'm always stiff, but there was nothing that I'd attribute to the new mattress topper. Bruce thinks he falls asleep faster with it, but he can fall asleep in the checkout line at Publix, so I don't know what he bases that on. I think it IS more comfortable -- but I think we need a new mattress and I won't be really satisfied until we get one. Which will not be ANYTIME soon.

Bruce wants to grill this weekend. I think I will marinate some tofu slices in teriyaki sauce and put some squash, peppers, onions, and tomatoes on skewers, and grill them with the sauce. I also have some fresh asparagus that I bought to make the black pepper and garlic tofu (I had extra, I mean), so we can toss that on the grill. And I'll get a pineapple and slice that for grilling, too. Oh -- I wonder if there are good peaches -- they grill nicely, too. I'll see.

Mean old mockingbird just chased all the birds off the feeder, didn't get a single seed for himself, and is now drinking from the birdbath. Mockingbirds are feisty things.

Okay -- I'm accomplishing nothing. Seems like there should be SOMETHING positive on my side of the ledger when the day's finished.

More later...

Lesson Learned

I think I'm done asking people for book recommendations. At least when it comes to novels. I just finished A Fine Balance by Rohinton Mistry. Very tough book to read. It's set in India and all I can say is that we have no idea what living in a third-world country is like. None. This book made me marvel and thank God that I live in the United States.

The book follows the lives of four characters -- basically from one misfortune to the next. I won't say there is no joy or happiness, because there is -- but it's always short lived. You might think that a book like this would read like a soap opera (which was what I felt about Winter's Bone -- horrible, horrible book) -- but I had every sense that the book spoke the truth.

Anyway, it made me sad and I honestly don't need any nudges in that direction right now. I'm RUNNING to Jane Austen for healing. I have two more of her books to read to complete my goal of rereading all six, so I'm just going to plunge ahead and read them both: Sense and Sensibility and (my favorite) Pride and Prejudice. Then I will regroup.

My experiment, if you want to call it that, of reading ten books recommended by friends ended up like this:

1. The Road by Cormac McCarthy (recommended by an English professor, Bob Evans, who is a Facebook friend)
2. The History of Love by Nicole Krauss (recommended by my sister-in-law Carol)
3. How It All Began by Penelope Lively (recommended by my old friend Barbarann)
4. A Severe Mercy by Sheldon Vanauken (recommended by a poet named Bruce who is a Facebook friend)
5. Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close by Jonathan Safran Foer (recommended by a former student, Melissa)
6. Winter's Bone by Daniel Woodrell (inexplicably recommended by my dear friend Elaine)
7. Of Bees and Mist by Erick Setiawan (recommended by a young friend, Abby)
8. The Elegance of the Hedgehog by Muriel Barbery (recommended by a smart political Facebook friend, Lisa)
9. Galileo's Daughter by Dava Sobel (recommended by my old, dear friend, Denise)
10. A Fine Balance by Rohinton Mistry (recommended by Rahnee, someone who works with Bruce and who I "know" via Facebook)

The book I'm most glad to have read: A Severe Mercy. I'd never heard of it and was very affected by it. The book that was worse than a waste of time? You already know: Winter's Bone. The only book I was likely to read on my own: Galileo's Daughter. Books that I didn't like but was glad to have read: The Road, A Fine Balance. Books that were mostly sad: The Road, The History of Love, Winter's Bone, The Elegance of the Hedgehog, A Fine Balance.

Odd experience. Maybe mostly good, but I'm not sure. I have a better track record when I select books for myself, I will say that. I will probably stick to my own selections for a while.

Last night we got our foam-gel mattress topper. It makes the valleys in the mattress less obvious, but I woke up stiff this morning. It's not necessarily unusual to need time to adjust to a new sleep situation, so I will give it some more time. Bruce likes it.

Alex and Alisha and Kael are leaving tomorrow for a week in Florida. I'm very excited for them and I really hope they have a great time. The reason for the trip is the wedding of the sweet girl who took the photographs at their wedding. They're going to see my folks, see old friends, go to the Florida Aquarium (Kael loves fish), go to the beach, maybe go to MOSI and the zoo. I can't wait to see pictures and hear all about it.

The black pepper and garlic tofu that I made the other night was very good. Last night we had bean burgers and French fries. Tonight: leftovers.

More later...

Things That Go BUMP in the Night

Alex and Alisha got a call from the school in which they want to enroll Kael for kindergarten. It's a private school -- a Christian school -- affiliated with a large Baptist church not far from their house. Some of the folks at our church have sent or are sending their kids to that school.

Anyway, they've been in contact with these folks for a couple of months, but on Friday they were told that Kael might not be able to attend this fall. Why? Because he can't read.

This blows my mind on SO MANY LEVELS. The boy is ENTERING kindergarten. They require that he be able to read "one-vowel words." I did not know how to read a lick until first grade and I think I turned out just fine. I'm really speechless. Plus, they never mentioned this to Alex and Alisha until last Friday. Alisha works with Kael a LOT. He knows his alphabet, how to write almost all of his letters, and how to write his name. He can count up to thirty or forty, knows all of his colors, and has a very teachable attitude. If they had told her about this requirement, she could have been working with him toward this goal. (He also has to be able to count to 100, which I don't think will be a problem, and he has to be able to write his name with correct capitalization -- right now he writes it in all capital letters.)

Anyway, they did say that he is ahead of the game for public school kindergarten (duh). I just think that requiring a child to read before kindergarten is ludicrous.

Sigh.

Today is an odd day: nothing on my schedule and I feel kind of at loose ends (and it's not even 11:00 yet). Mel is on vacation, so I have a week without her (I did drive her hither and yon yesterday; most of her errands were accomplished without me getting out of the car). My big goal today is to cook dinner, which will require a trip to the grocery store. I'm making Thai Black Pepper and Garlic Tofu and I have everything but some vegetables.

Today is also an exercise day, so I have that to look forward to.

Bruce and I did a very logical thing two nights ago. We swapped sides of the bed. He has been on the side that is closest to the bathroom and by switching he cuts my trip almost in half. Considering that the jaunt to the bathroom is very painful, especially in the middle of the night or first thing in the morning, this is very helpful. However -- our bed is just horrible. We each sleep in a valley and it's starting to bug me. Our mattress is not one of those that you can flip over -- it has a little "mattress topper" thingamajig on top of it, so I ordered a gel-foam topper (it will be delivered tomorrow) and we'll flip the mattress, put that on top of it, and see if it's an improvement. It cannot be worse. Another weird thing: Bruce is VERY active at night. It's not like I've slept in the same bed with very many people, but in my experience he is really, really rowdy when he's supposed to be peacefully slumbering. He kicked me once the first night we switched sides and last night he kicked me twice. I have this really super-firm yoga pillow that I think I'm going to put on the bed between us -- so far he's just kicked my shin but I don't want him to kick my knee. (I'd rather him not kick my shin, too, of course.) Maybe the new mattress topper will help, too.

More later...

This Is Getting Ridiculous

It's getting to the point where it's AWFUL to end a book because I don't want to have to choose another one. Weird. I don't know if it's my goals that are the problem or not; I tend to think not because they narrow the field. If I had no guidelines at all I'd really be up a creek.

The only thing I was sure about was that I wanted something on my Kindle. I really (REALLY) prefer to read on this thing. I have the Kindle Fire which is back-lit, so I don't have to worry about having a book light. With a "real book" I have to fiddle with that in bed and I just don't like doing that. I've read nine books based on friends' recommendations, so I figured I'd read one more and be able to check that goal off as completed.

The book I just finished, Galileo's Daughter: A Historical Memoir of Science, Faith, and Love, was quite good. I was embarrassingly ignorant about what Galileo accomplished: for about a third of the book I kept waiting for him to whip out his paints to start The Last Supper or The Mona Lisa. (That's Leonardo da Vinci --I was getting my Italian geniuses mixed up. Shame on me.)

The title of the book is somewhat misleading because it's about 90% Galileo, 10% his daughter. The book is a somewhat brief biography of Galileo supplemented with letters written to him by his daughter, Suor Maria Celeste, a cloistered nun. There is a great deal of focus on what is known as The Galileo Affair -- when he was brought before the Inquisition, found "vehemently suspected of heresy," and sentenced to house arrest where he remained for the rest of his life.

The book paints a pretty good picture of Galileo, especially when you consider that the man lived four hundred years ago. He would fit in today, I think -- and I would like him very much. He was a man of great faith and never felt that any of his discoveries or hypotheses contradicted his faith. It pained him to think that his work -- banned by the Roman church -- would be forgotten. Of course, even in his own time he was celebrated and his works were published and re-published outside of Italy, where the long arm of the church could not reach. He was recognized as a genius in his day, but the book brings you down to the day-to-day concerns of a man for his children, extended family, students, patrons, fellow scientists, etc.

Anyway, Galileo had three children: two daughters and a son. He never married their mother, so he believed the girls to be unmarriageable and put them in a convent when they were quite young. When they reached the appropriate age (sixteen) they took the veil and stayed behind the convent walls for the rest of their lives. The oldest daughter, Suor Maria Celeste (born "Virginia") is the title figure. She was brilliant, faithful, and a great support to her father. She helped him in his work by transcribing his books and when he was under house arrest in Siena she took care of his household accounts -- while never leaving the convent, which she could not do. A few months before she died Galileo was allowed to come back to Arcetri, where he lived in a house just a stone's throw from his daughter's convent. She died of dysentery not long after he returned.

Anyway -- good book, I feel a little smarter about Galileo now, I'm one step closer to finished my goal of reading ten books recommended by friends. For the final book I chose a fairly long one. I violated my principle of not paying more for a Kindle book than a "real book," but I finally broke down because the two bucks is worth it to me. I'm going to be reading A Fine Balance by Rohinton Mistry. It's set in India in 1975. It's pretty long, which will save me from having to pick another book too soon. ;)

More later...

Joint Ventures

This morning was my "joint camp." They call it so many things: "joint venture," "joint clinic," "joint camp." It was an interminable two hours in length. We sat through that to get about twenty minutes of useful information. The worst part was that there were about twenty patients in the room (mostly getting knee replacement surgery, but some getting new hips) and two of them thought this little class was for their benefit and theirs alone. And, yes, there IS such a thing as a stupid question -- they can typically be avoided if you SHUT YOUR MOUTH and LISTEN. By the end of the class I hated all people.

I ignored everything the nurse/instructor had to say about diet. Everything. They have a list of thirteen exercises that I'm supposed to do two or three times a day in addition to the nine exercises that I have to do from my physical therapist. I'm supposed to do the physical therapy exercises twice a day, which I don't. But seriously. All I would do all day long is exercise if these people had their way. They want me to purchase an elevated toilet seat which I have resisted strenuously. I don't know why, but the idea of this depresses me completely. It doesn't matter that it's temporary. This is not rational. I'm not sure I'm going to do it (in fact, I'm pretty sure I'm not).

The best thing I learned today is that I'll have a private room. The worst thing is that they expect you to leave "all electronics" at home. I figured I'd have to live without my laptop, but I don't see that it's possible to not have my phone or my Kindle for three days. That's just crazy talk.

After class I had my "anemia clinic," which is their way of saying that they draw your blood to see if you're anemic. I am not.

They have you walk all over creation to go to these different things. By the time I got home I was exhausted. It just floors me how hard it is to do things when you hurt. It has nothing to do with "being in shape." I'm NOT in good shape, but my problem isn't my fitness level, it's my pain level. Anyway -- we got home, ate lunch, and I got in bed and napped all afternoon.

My husband is wonderful. I'm so grateful for his patience, for his presence, for his care. He is never negative (which drives me crazy sometimes). When I'm in a grouchy mood (like I was after the class today) and I take it out on him, he is understanding. It means everything to me to know that he's going through this with me. Thank you, thank you, Bruce. I love you.

More later...

Tuesday?

I can't keep track of the days.

I never know what to get my mother for special occasions. I usually fall back on cliches -- flowers, candy, cheesecake. I know she doesn't want more "stuff" to clutter up her house. And I know she doesn't need anything.

This past Mother's Day she was away from home. She and my stepfather went to a wedding on the other side of the state and were gone for a couple of days. I told her, "Good -- I'm going to pretend that Mother's Day is on Monday." I said that for two reasons: first, it would give me another day to come up with a brilliant idea and two, if the brilliant idea didn't come and I had to resort to flowers I didn't want them sitting at home while she wasn't there to enjoy them.

Well, the brilliant idea did not come. I found an arrangement on Teleflora that I really think was beautiful -- ivory, pale yellow, pale peach roses. Kind of old fashioned. I ordered it to be delivered on Monday.

I talked to Mom yesterday afternoon and by the end of the call she had not mentioned the flowers. "You're supposed to be getting flowers," I said.

"Oh! Well, I'll watch for them."

Got an email from her later: "It's 6:17 and no flowers. Cancel your order."

I figured, well, they'll be delivered today -- since they were already late it's no big deal.

She emailed me this afternoon: no flowers. Cancel, &c.

This time I called Teleflora. After being on hold for seventeen hours they explained that the order was "still out there waiting for a florist to accept it."

Shouldn't they let the buyer know when something like that happens?

Well, yes, there is a department that is supposed to do that. Inexplicably, they did not contact me. I canceled the order.

Mother's Day, however, IS NOT OVER. I now have more time to come up with a brilliant idea.

More later...

Didn't We Just Do This?

I'm all in a dither about what to read next. I really don't know why it's such a big deal for me, but it really is. I stand at the end of a long hallway filled with doors. Which one shall I open? I'm always unsettled until I choose. (Isn't this crazy?) Lately there are three broad categories from which I choose: fiction, theology, other nonfiction. And the "other nonfiction" category has been dominated by plant-based diet stuff. My last three books include one from each of those categories, so I don't feel like I've been reading too much of one and not enough of others. I suppose I could branch out a bit in the "other nonfiction" group -- read a biography or something. 

Hmmm. I don't know, I don't know, I don't know. (I'll decide before I post this, though!)

This morning I got out a little blank book and wrote down the names of my "children" (Alex, Alisha, Kael), Linden's children, and Diana's crew. And I prayed for them, each one, by name and for specific things if I knew of them. Maybe this is what I'm supposed to be -- a prayer warrior for children (most of the children on that list are grown, so I don't mean that from an age perspective!). Let me know if I can add your children to my list.

Okay, I have to get a move on. I've got my final physical therapy appointment in two hours; I have not exercised since my last appointment when I hurt my back. The back is all better -- 100% -- so I need to get back in the saddle. My knee replacement surgery is scheduled for six weeks from today, so there's plenty of time. (I don't think I need to do these exercises at all, actually. My legs are strong; I just have rotten knees. But I will do them anyway.)

I'm going to read Galileo's Daughter by Dava Sobel. I read her book, Longitude, a million years ago and absolutely loved it. Galileo's Daughter is based on the letters of Galileo's illegitimate daughter, a cloistered nun. This is a book that was recommended to me by my friend Denise, so it is the ninth book I will read from that list (my goal is to read ten books recommended by friends). And -- I actually own a copy that I bought years ago intending to read. So there you go. :)

More later...

Hedgehogs

I just finished reading The Elegance of the Hedgehog by Muriel Barbery. Like so many books that I love it's going to take me a while to really process this one. I don't think I've ever read a book quite like it. The first third reminded me, alternately, of Harriet the Spy and Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance. And if you've ever read those last two books your brain has probably just exploded.

The last two-thirds of the book were more conventional but better. Things started to happen...and then things didn't happen. I won't discuss plot in case anyone wants to read it. Well -- I'll give you the barest outline, but I won't give anything away.

The book is set in an upscale apartment building in Paris. The concierge, a woman named Renee, is the main character in the story (at least in terms of the number of words that come from her). She is unattractive, from a peasant background, and spends great amounts of time and effort in order to appear exactly as a stereotypical concierge, which she is not. She has a voracious thirst for knowledge and reads philosophy, listens to all kinds of music, is well versed in the arts -- she knows a great deal about a great many things, but this is her secret. The residents of her building neither know this about her nor really see her at all.

One of the residents of the building is a twelve-year-old girl named Paloma. Paloma is very intelligent and very unhappy and has decided to commit suicide on her thirteenth birthday. She is also very good at hiding who she really is.

All this might have continued indefinitely (or, in Paloma's case, until her thirteenth birthday) except that one of the building's residents dies and his apartment is sold to a retired Japanese businessman. He moves in and almost immediately recognizes what is extraordinary about both Renee and Paloma and befriends them (leading Renee and Paloma to also become friends).

That's all I'm going to say. Except that I am very glad to have read it.

More later...

Mother's Day, Mothers Pray

An idea came to me a few days ago and it has only gotten bigger and bigger in my head ever since. If you would like me to pray for your children, leave a comment on this post. You can just list their names if you'd like. If there is something specific that you'd like me to pray about, you can leave that, too. If you don't want to leave a comment, you can email me (sherbitter@gmail.com). It will be my privilege to join you in praying for those you hold so dear.

More later...

Inexplicable

(Thank you for the book endorsement, Jana!)

Food first. Everything I made for the ladies' Bible study was good. I absolutely LOVE the black-eyed pea dip recipe from Paula Deen. I made it exactly the way the recipe goes except I just didn't add any oil. I can't imagine it being any better than it is, so I don't know what the oil would have added (other than a bunch of calories!!!). I just finished a HUGE bowl of it for lunch. You could do this easy, of course, and just use a bottled salad dressing, but I don't think I'll ever make it like that -- the recipe was perfect and healthy and just so good.

The other things were good, too, but that recipe was my favorite.

The point of the Bible study, of course, was not my food. We are studying a book about Romans 8 -- it's called How the Gospel Brings Us All the Way Home by Derek Thomas. It's...okay. He preached a series of sermons about Romans 8 and this book is basically an accumulation of those sermons. Some of them are very good, some of them are just okay. (I hate to say that -- Romans 8, of course, is worthy of many sermons, it's just some of the chapters you think might be kind of...longer than they need to be.) Anyway, this week's lesson focused on verses 26 and 27: "Likewise the Spirit helps us in our weakness. For we do not know what to pray for as we ought, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groanings too deep for words. And he who searches hearts knows what is the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for the saints according to the will of God." So, basically, prayer. 


I need a study on prayer, but that's not what I've been thinking about. We talked about not knowing "what to pray for as we ought" and we talked about submitting our wills to the Father's. Which led us to think about Christ's prayer in the garden where He prayed, "Father, if you are willing, remove this cup from me. Nevertheless, not my will, but yours, be done.”


I can't get this out of my mind. It's one thing -- almost unthinkable -- to know you are going to be executed. But Christ's fate was so much more than just that. A period of torture -- the King of the Universe taunted and spat upon -- can you wrap your mind around that? -- a horrific execution that lasted for hours -- and then, even worse (even worse!), to be separated from the Father for the first time in all of eternity. And yet all he said was, "If you are willing, remove this cup from me." Followed by, "Nevertheless, not my will, but yours, be done."


It brings tears to my eyes. The whole thing makes absolutely no sense. When I think of how often I demand my own way, how often I do whatever I want to do because I am spoiled and rotten, and yet this Man who loved me even before I was born was willing to suffer unspeakable pain and loss for me.


Yes, of course, this is what the gospel is all about. But I've known this since I was a very small child, so the incongruousness of the situation was not something that really HIT me. Thinking about this in conjunction with Francis Chan's book on hell has kind of caused me to look at this in a slightly different light. Chan is very open about the idea that some of what he was writing about was not the way he wanted it to be. Some of the stories we read about in the Bible really don't make a lot of sense to us -- we would have done things differently. Then, of course, Chan looks at Christ's sacrifice and has to admit that he'd never have done that either. We are just lumps of clay questioning the actions of the Potter.


As I get older I find that I'm getting better at balancing two kind of opposite drives. First, I want to know more, everything. As I read my daily chapters in Numbers or in Ecclesiastes or in Hebrews I want to understand MORE, to dive into these books and not resurface until I understand everything about them. On the other hand, however, I grow increasingly content to let God be God. I don't have to understand every single thing -- it is enough to know that He understands. What a comfort -- both in an immediate sense of the word and from an intellectual standpoint. Nothing ever surprises God. Nothing slips through His fingers. Nothing happens outside of His will. He offers us everything -- everything!!! -- as a gift, ours for the taking. Wow.


More later...

Ready to...Sleep?

Well, I'm ready to walk out the door, although I don't have to leave for fifteen minutes. Here's the thing, though: I am exhausted. I want nothing so much as to crawl into bed and shut my eyes. I would be out for the night.

Sigh.

More later...

Me! On the Ball!!!

Tapenade's in the fridge (I forgot to get artichoke hearts so I went with a traditional tapenade -- minus the oil), black-eyed pea dip's in the fridge, kidney bean dip's in the fridge. I am melting chocolate right now into which I will dip bananas and then I'll roll them in peanuts and I will actually be DONE with the food for tonight before 4:00. This is a record. I have to shower me, but I'm still in good shape -- I don't have to leave here to pick up Mel until about 6:30.

Bruce will ride tonight -- the weather is perfect. All the rain ushered in a "cold front," so we just made it into the upper 70s today. Glorious day.

The mockingbirds love my bird feeder. They land on it, toss bunches of seed to the ground, and then grab something and fly off. Weird birds. At least the feeder is active now -- nice change.

I finished Erasing Hell and I'm not sure there's much more to say. The bottom line is that hell's real, people are going there, and we need to spread the gospel to every creature.

I am now at that wonderful spot in life where I have to pick out a new book to read. Regarding my 101 goals list, I've read four of the six Jane Austens and seven out of the ten books that were recommended to me that I said I would read. I have lots of other reading goals, but I'm the closest to finishing these--

--Okay, since I wrote that I've done the bananas, cleaned up the kitchen, and showered. And it's not even 5:00. I know some folks live this way all the time, but it's foreign territory to me. I am ALWAYS doing things at the last minute. Of course, I still have to put things in the car, put on makeup, dress -- I could still run late! :)

I've decided to read The Elegance of the Hedgehog by Muriel Barbery. It was a recommended book, so that will get me that much closer to finishing that goal. I'm not really sure what it's about (it's a novel), but I will -- whether you want me to or not -- keep you posted. I bought this book in softcover a while back because it was cheaper than the Kindle version. I have gotten to the point where I really don't like reading "real" books anywhere near as much as I like reading on my Kindle. I will persevere, however. :)

There is a fly in my dishwasher. I would like to just run the thing, but there's no soap in it. I could run a quick cycle, then add soap, and run it again. Decisions, decisions.

Okay -- off to do something.

More later...

This World Is Not My Home...

The title of this blog entry is also the title of one of Bruce's favorite songs -- one that he wants sung at his memorial service/funeral, should it come up. I'll tell you -- I'm not sure I've ever embraced that truth more than I do these days.

I have been thinking about this a lot lately -- over the past few years, I guess. Here is what I want to know. In Acts 9 is related the account of Peter raising Dorcas from the dead. Why? Why would he do that to her? I guess the only answer that makes sense is that he did it for God's glory. But he sure didn't do it to benefit Dorcas. After I have died, I sure don't want anybody coming along and bringing me back.

I know the world has been filled with darkness since Adam and Eve sinned. But it seems SO alien to me these days, SO anti-God, hateful, arrogant. I just wish I didn't have to be a part of it anymore.

I know this attitude is wrong -- sinful. I am not here for my benefit; I'm here to accomplish whatever work God has for me to accomplish. I suffer from the same arrogance that I accuse the world of brandishing.

The book that I'm reading, Erasing Hell, is...I don't know. Maybe it's not what I expected exactly. But I'm not sure what I was expecting. Chan actually co-wrote the book, but the "division of labor" seems to be that his co-author, Preston Sprinkle, did the heavy-duty research and the book was written in Chan's very appealing voice. I think, though, that Chan's voice is better suited for a book like Crazy Love -- a book that's not so much an exegesis as it is a motivating, convicting account of a man's love affair with God.

Anyway, I appreciate the work. Chan is honest, not stretching Scripture to say things that it simply does not say. And he treats the topic with the gravity -- even the horror -- that it deserves. I'm halfway finished, and I'm glad -- it's a heartbreaking subject when I consider people that I've known and loved who never indicated that they ever became Christians before they died.

I asked Bruce about this the other day. There's no reason to believe that his parents were believers when they died. "How can we be happy in heaven when we know that your mother is in hell?"

"Well," he said thoughtfully, "our perspective is an earthly, human perspective now. We see through a glass darkly. When we're in heaven we'll see from God's perspective."

And I know he's right. I just wish I had that perspective NOW.

More later...

Moments

My dental appointment today had nothing to do with my knee surgery -- it was scheduled last October. But it was also one of the things that had to be checked off in my head. I cannot have any (non-emergency) dental work done for at least six months after my knee surgery -- so if I'm going to have both knees done relatively quickly we are talking about nine months to a year or more.

I know lots of people rarely go to the dentist. I go every six, seven months though. They told me today that I will probably need to take antibiotics before every dental visit from now on -- even a cleaning. The hygienist told me that the standard is that I will just take a mega-dose of an antibiotic an hour before dental work, but some doctors want their patients to take a full ten-day regimen even before something as minor as a cleaning. There are always things you don't know, aren't there?

My teeth are terrible -- always have been. I have eleven crowns, I've had three root canals, and of course I have countless fillings. I floss every single day, brush for two minutes (I use a timer!!!) and I brush mindfully. I use Listerine rinse. When I go to have my teeth cleaned the hygienist will say, "Sharon, your teeth look beautiful! There's no tartar for me to clean!" And still, about every third visit or so (maybe a little more often), I'll have a cavity. They say that they are on the cusp of developing a vaccine to protect against cavities which are, after all, caused by bacteria. That would be wonderful.

Anyway, I had this appointment kind of looming in my head as something that had to be taken care of before surgery. Six months from my surgery is Christmas Day -- how fun is that? Anyway, I have an appointment scheduled for January which will have to be pushed back if I have my second knee done before then (which I hope I do).

Next item on the agenda: the joint class and the anemia clinic at the hospital on the 17th.

Just watched this and was very moved. I want to read the book that they refer to in the video: This Momentary Marriage. I have read a few things that Piper has written about marriage and I'm sure this will be worth reading. Anyway -- watch this if you have a few minutes.



More later...

Off We Go

Yesterday turned into kind of a lost day because I couldn't get my old laptop to turn on and all the work I had to do started with that step. For reasons I will never understand, it turned on when Bruce tried it (but seriously -- I've had that laptop for almost four years; I DO know how to turn it on!), but he started disk-checking and de-fragging and all kinds of other things so the computer wasn't available until about 9:00 last night and that was past the point of me being at all interested. I should've/could've been working today but I have been picking out appetizer and dessert recipes to bring to the ladies' Bible study on Thursday.

This is always a challenge for me. I want to make healthy foods, I'm not going to use animal products, but I want everything to be GOOD so that people will see and understand that eating a plant-based diet is not a recipe for deprivation. The last time I did this I brought three bruschetta toppings: a white bean one, a mushroom one, and the classic tomato. I don't remember what I brought for a dessert -- probably fruit.

This time I'm going with dips. I have a black-eyed pea dip, courtesy of Paula Deen (MAN, that woman uses a lot of fat in her recipes -- I am simply going to leave the oil out completely and no one will know), a red kidney bean dip, courtesy of Nigella Lawson (again -- I will eliminate the oil), and an artichoke tapenade, courtesy of my favorite blog (and in a reverse of the first two recipes, I'm going to ADD pine nuts -- fat -- to this one). I'll probably tinker with that last one a bit, too -- maybe add a few more olives or capers, I dunno.

Dessert is from Martha Stewart: chocolate-covered bananas. How cute will that be???

I'll shop for the ingredients tomorrow and make everything on Thursday. I can start first thing because everything can set a while (I might even do the black-eyed pea thing tomorrow).

All of this planning takes time, so that's why my day is shot. When you Google "vegan appetizers" you get about ten jillion recipes for hummus -- and while I love hummus (made some on Sunday and will probably be having it for lunch), I don't want to show up as a cliche.

I finished reading Eating Animals last night, and now, boy am I militant. Factory farming is a crime against nature, against humanity, against everything sane people believe in. I'm only going to rant a very little bit, but I simply don't want to give any of my money to the companies that pollute, promote antibiotic resistance (and keep animals in conditions to promote avian-swine-human influenzas), etc., etc., etc. There is absolutely not one good thing to say about factory farming. I wish I knew how to fight it -- but there are signs that the end is near (it's unsustainable, so it will end -- when and how are the questions). I really do recommend this book; I think responsible people ought to know how the food gets onto their plates. We hire people to do our dirty work for us and we ought to know what they're doing in our name. Well -- not in MY name because I don't eat that stuff and I feel really good about that.

End of rant.

My next book is one by Francis Chan. I think his most famous book is Crazy Love, which I read and was floored by. His latest book (the one I'm about to start) is called Erasing Hell: What God said about eternity and the things we made up. It's an important subject. Universalism has been around forever -- it's not new. Satan pushed a version of it in the Garden. It's sweeping evangelical circles now, though, and we need to stop and look and see what God says -- not what we wish He would say. (For those who are unfamiliar with the term, "universalism" is the heresy that says that everyone will go to heaven, no matter what.) It's easy to see why this view is attractive -- it's sure what I wish would happen. But the important thing is what God thinks about the matter, not what I wish (and I have no right to "wish" anything different from what God has ordained). Watch this clip of Chan discussing his reasons for writing this book. He's the most humble man -- I really do appreciate his heart:

Pretty heavy stuff.

Okay -- I have to go to the dentist to have my teeth cleaned.

More later...

Real Life!

I've been a hermit for a week or so. Well -- not a hermit, exactly -- I see Bruce every day and Alex and Kael visited on Saturday -- but I have not been my usual out-and-about self. On the one hand I don't really mind this (I am turning into my mother). On the other hand...I need to get some work done (I am turning into my mother).

After a civilized period of waking up this morning (I'm awake -- I just mean that without a deadline I have a morning routine that is the opposite of rushed and focused) I am going to get to work. I've had this new laptop for a while now, but my old laptop still contains a number of can't-live-without items that need to be brought on over so that it can be completely cleaned up and handed over to Bruce. I also need to start working on Caroline again.

I've decided not to even pretend to be able to do things in the mornings anymore. It just hurts too much. I can probably handle going to the grocery store because I can lean on a cart while I'm there, but that's it. I'm very annoyed that I won't be having the surgery for another seven weeks (I should have a new knee by this time, seven weeks from now), but it is what it is. Grumble, grumble. I'm going to try exercising again today -- carefully. And if one of them hurts my back I'm going to stop IMMEDIATELY. (Maybe I HAVE learned my lesson!!!)

Bruce went to Publix for me yesterday; I told him that if he got a few things I would make spaghetti for supper.

"What few things?" he asked.

Oh, I dunno -- I never use a recipe when I make spaghetti. I just throw in whatever's lying around. I had a huge onion and some garlic, so maybe a green bell pepper, maybe a red one, some mushrooms, a zucchini or an eggplant -- whatever looks good.

Bruce brought home a beautiful red bell pepper. And a green one. He got the "Baby Bella" 'shrooms (which I don't like because they're sliced -- I like to clean my mushrooms myself; I don't think a factory worker is going to do it to my standards -- although I trust them to clean my lettuce, so there's no consistency with me). And...he got a cucumber. Not a zucchini.

What sealed his fate? "Don't put this in your blog," he begged.

Yeah, right. ;)

He'd also bought some fresh spinach, so we added a few handfuls of that. It was pretty good sauce, if I do say so myself.

I'm still reading Eating Animals, although I don't know why. It's so depressing I can't tell you. From the health consequences of feeding animals a constant diet of antibiotics to the environmental disaster of so much animal waste that the only way to get rid of it is to just pollute the ground (the resulting fines are cheaper than handling waste the "right" way), it's just one indictment against factory farming after another. The food industry has SO MUCH POWER that they essentially write the laws. In the book The China Study Dr. Campbell devotes an entire section to the subject of "Why Haven't I Heard This Before?" The answer is clear: the food industry has completely and utterly co-opted the health industry and nutritional guidelines are written to encourage people to eat more animal products, not to eat more healthfully. You only have to look at the foods that we subsidize to understand that. Prices of animal products are so heavily subsidized by the government that they have remained essentially unchanged for decades. Nobody subsidizes the broccoli farmer (which I might argue is a good thing, but you get my drift).

Anyway, if you want to understand what you're doing with your food choices, I really do recommend this book. However, if you want to keep eating meat, don't read it. It has DEFINITELY scared me straight back onto the plant-based bandwagon.

Speaking of that, kind of...I think I'm going to go zap a Mighty Muffin.

More later...

Eat This!

"Eat this and you'll live forever!" I'm always telling that to Bruce when I cook something that's filled with good things. Like tonight's dinner -- gorgeous, healthy, tasty. One teaspoon of added fat in the whole (big) pan (it was sesame oil, added for flavor to the teriyaki sauce). Picture this: red bell pepper, orange carrot, white mushrooms, onions, and tofu, deep green broccolini, green-light-green-white bok choy, light green celery. Scallions sprinkled over everything. Really a beautiful dish and with that amazing sauce it's hard to beat.

"I'm living forever anyway," was Bruce's comeback. But he had two big bowls.

Jana -- I have a trick that I partly got from you, so I wanted to tell you about it. The last time I needed ginger I peeled the whole piece and chopped every bit of it. There was a lot more than I needed for my recipe so what I did was put the excess minced ginger onto a piece of plastic wrap and I formed it into kind of a thin log (picture a big Tootsie roll). I wrapped the ginger up tightly in the plastic wrap and put it into the freezer. When I needed fresh ginger for the teriyaki sauce I just broke off a piece of the frozen log and tossed it into the pan. Worked great, SO easy (and not that much more work when you do it the first time).

I think it's always things like fresh ginger that really make a difference in recipes, but they're kind of a pain to prepare. This method is a great compromise!

I forgot to tell you something that happened to me a few days ago. A mystery. I was standing in the driveway -- not near any trees or bushes, close to the garage, when all of a sudden something dropped down out of the sky and landed at my feet. I looked at it closely -- and it was two pieces of mockingbird eggshell! I have a blurry picture that I can share:

Pale blue with brown speckles -- how pretty, right? But where did it come from? A mystery to me.

More later...

So Far, So Good

I went to Fresh Market today and feel pretty good. Back's a tiny bit tight, but nothing too bad. Knees: terrible -- but that's the way it is.

I almost wept for joy at the bok choy -- Publix sells these big clumps of rubber and calls it "bok choy" but Fresh Market had crisp, fresh, baby bok choy -- bok choy the way it's supposed to be. They also had lemongrass, which I've been looking for for ages. I want to make Pho, which is a Vietnamese noodle soup (usually it contains meat, but I have a veggie version), but you really do need lemongrass for that and I haven't been able to find it. I also snagged a half gallon of fresh orange juice and I've already downed half of it (oops).

Dinner tonight is going to be a stir fry. I've made this teriyaki sauce before and I'm making it again because it was the best I've ever had. I'm going to press some tofu and add that along with onion, carrots, maybe a stalk of celery (I have it and it's just going to go bad), a red bell pepper, some mushrooms, scallions, my beautiful bok choy, and a head of broccolini. I have eaten broccolini many times, but I've never cooked it. Not that stir frying is all that challenging. I always feel bad for Bruce because broccoli is classic in stir fries, but I just cannot stand it, so broccolini is a good compromise (if I don't tell him, he'll probably think it's broccoli -- except he reads this blog :). Every once in a while I'll make something with broccoli in it, but I think he could eat it every day and if I never saw it again it would be fine by me.

My heating-pad burn is getting better -- it's at that annoying itching stage.

I think I have been kind to everyone I've come in contact with today. My interactions have been minimal, so it hasn't been all that challenging. :)

More later...

Remember Your ABKs

Here is a baseball story for you. There is a player named Hideki Matsui; my Florida friends will know him because he just signed to play with the Rays. He is old, at the tail end of his career, but he is really, really famous in Japan and had a very good run with the New York Yankees (including being named World Series MVP). None of that matters for this story, though.

I remember one of the Yankees announcers telling a story about Matsui. His father was a religious shaman in Japan and when Hideki was a boy he made him promise to "always be kind." And Hideki has never broken that promise -- or at least that's the story they tell.

Always be kind. Wouldn't that be wonderful? If everyone made that promise and kept it -- or even just tried really, really hard to keep it. More than anything, I want to always be kind. I fail so completely and utterly at times that it's breathtaking. But I get to try again tomorrow.

Always be kind.

It's beautiful in its simplicity, isn't it? His father -- obviously not a Christian man -- captured half of the Big Two commandments (and not the most important half, but still). If we love our neighbors as ourselves we will always be kind.

As you know, I am reading Eating Animals by Jonathan Safran Foer. There are things I knew, things I didn't know (for every pound of shrimp one can assume that 26 pounds of other sea animals -- everything from seahorses to dolphins and even whales -- are killed as "bycatch." Just gratuitously killed and tossed overboard. So when you eat a pound of shrimp you've killed 27 pounds of animals (indirectly, sure, but shouldn't we KNOW this sort of thing?)).

I get tired of reading books about being a vegetarian or a vegan because they are invariably written by people with political agendas that I simply do not share. Foer believes we should always be kind -- therefore, we should never, ever eat animals.

I believe we should always be kind so we should never, ever eat animals from factory farms. In the United States 99% of all animals that are eaten are from factory farms. This method of raising and slaughtering animals is so cruel that states are passing laws to make it illegal to even discuss their practices because if people KNEW they would not eat animals. At least I hope they wouldn't.

I believe that as Christians we owe it to God to respect His creation. I believe that factory farming makes a mockery of that. It nauseates me when I think of what we do to animals so that we can consume more animal protein per capita than any population has ever consumed in the history of human beings. So -- Foer's book did what I wanted it to do (I'm not finished, but I'm not sure I CAN finish it -- not because Foer is graphic, because he's not, but because I already know too much).

Do you suppose there is anyone in the entire world who feels like I do about eating animals? Here is what I believe:

1. I believe we were created to eat plants, not animals (Genesis 1:29).

2. I believe that because the Fall made it difficult for man to grow enough plants to sustain him (the ground was cursed) God allowed man to kill animals for food for the first time. This is not what we were created for, but is a byproduct of the Fall (eating animals is NOT a sin). God first specifically gave man permission to eat meat after the Flood -- when all plants would have been destroyed. This came with a cost, however: "The fear of you and the dread of you shall be upon every beast of the earth and upon every bird of the heavens, upon everything that creeps on the ground and all the fish of the sea. Into your hand they are delivered. Every moving thing that lives shall be food for you. And as I gave you the green plants, I give you everything." Genesis 9:2,3. Note that man is not commanded to eat meat. In 21st Century America we no longer have to eat animals to get enough calories to keep us alive.

3. I believe it is healthier to eat a plant-based diet, but that it is a choice that every individual must make. If I could control the world I would make everyone read The China Study and I would make sure everyone knew about factory farming practices. After that, it would be up to them to choose how to eat. In other words, I just want people to make informed decisions.

4. Since factory farming is so cruel, I believe it is wrong and I don't believe anyone should eat animals that have been raised and slaughtered using those practices. Since almost all of our meat in the U.S. comes from factory farms, this means that people would necessarily have to cut way back on the amount of meat that they consume. This would, of course, have the side effects of being better for our health and for the environment.

5. I don't believe animals are as important as people. People were created in God's image and God gave creation to man to husband and tend; it is to be in subjection to man. Nothing in Scripture gives me the sense that it is okay to be cruel to animals, though. I believe in animal testing when it's important for medicines but not for things like makeup or household cleaning products.

And -- I guess that's it. There is a Christian Vegetarian Association that I've run across from time to time, but I haven't really investigated it much. Maybe I should.

More later...

B.O.R.E.D.

I am bored out of my gourd. Tomorrow I start acting like a normal person. I'm going to Publix and I'm going to cook dinner and I'm going to interact with humanity again.

More later...

Nerves!!!

Miracle: the surgeon's office called and I have a date for my surgery. It is not until June 25, which makes me a little sad, but at least I have a date. The first date available was June 21 (a Thursday), but that would have me in the hospital over the weekend. I want to be home over the weekend so Bruce does not have to take time off of work to care for me.

The first thing I have to do is go to "Joint Class" on May 17, followed immediately by the "Anemia Clinic." Anemia I'm not worried about -- I've never been anemic. I have to bring a caregiver with me to the Joint Class. I feel bad that Bruce is taking time off for that --  told him that I'd ask Alisha to come with me -- but he said he wants to go.

I have my pre-op work at the hospital on June 11. My pre-op meeting with the surgeon on June 22. My surgery on June 25 (I have to be at the hospital at 5:30 a.m., so that's pretty much the beginning of the pain right there).

I asked how long he typically waits between surgeries and she said three to six months, depending on how the patient heals. Needless to say, I'm all for getting both of them done as soon as possible. Plus, I don't have to go through all the pre-op clearance nonsense if I do it fast. I can make a case for no physical therapy, too, since I know the exercises (and know to stop when one hurts my back!!!). She said that it typically takes a full year for someone to completely recover from knee replacement surgery (another reason why I want to get this show on the road!).

Now that I have a date I'm a little nervous. I don't know why -- I've had surgery several times and never been nervous before. Maybe that's because the surgery has never really been elective (although the hysterectomy was my choice; they explained other things they could try first). Anyway, I don't know why I'm nervous, but I'm nervous. There you go.

Plenty of time for my back to completely recover. Plenty of time to do all the exercises needed to make my leg muscles strong. Plenty of time to store frozen foods so that we won't starve while I'm recovering. :)

More later...

Excellent Adventure

All right -- went to Wendy's and I'm none the worse for wear. Their mac-and-cheese is really, really good. Really good. Tastes like it contains actual cheese instead of fake powder. Their baked sweet potato comes with a sweet-cinnamon-margarine topping that takes this into the dessert realm. All in all, not exactly a healthy adventure for me.

I finished reading Northanger Abbey -- the fourth Jane Austen book in my quest to re-read her six books. It's moved into last place in my my affections (the list, for those keeping track at home, are 1. Pride & Prejudice, 2. Persuasion, tied for third Sense & Sensibility and Emma, 5. Mansfield Park, 6. Northanger Abbey). It's Austen's first book (not published first, but the first one she wrote and sold). It's...I dunno. Too cute, I think. I don't hate it, but it's the sort of book that I'd say not to bother reading unless you just want to read all of Austen's books (which I think is a very good thing to do).

Anyway, with my little forays off of the plant-based reservation I decided to read something to remind me why I want to do this. I don't know whether or not the book I've chosen will do that, but the author is an excellent writer and I'm enjoying it very much. It's called Eating Animals by Jonathan Safran Foer. I recently read another of his books: Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close -- it was recommended to me by a friend and I enjoyed it quite a bit. I have only JUST started the book but so far he sounds kind of like me: he wants to eat ethically but sometimes he gives into his baser instincts. I think it would be easier for me if I got a little more "animal rights-y" because it would give me another reason besides "health" to stick to my program. Here is an excerpt from the book that made me laugh out loud:

When I was nine, I had a babysitter who didn't want to hurt anything. She put it just like that when I asked her why she wasn't having chicken with my older brother and me: "I don't want to hurt anything."

"Hurt anything?" I asked.

"You know that chicken is chicken, right?"

Frank shot me a look: Mom and Dad entrusted this stupid woman with their precious babies?

Her intention might or might not have been to convert us to vegetarianism -- just because conversations about meat tend to make people feel cornered, not all vegetarians are proselytizers -- but being a teenager, she lacked whatever restraint it is that so often prevents a full telling of this particular story. Without drama or rhetoric, she shared what she knew.

My brother and I looked at each other, our mouths full of hurt chickens, and had simultaneous how-in-the-world-could-I-have-never-thought-of-that-before-and-why-on-earth-didn't-someone-tell-me? moments. I put down my fork. Frank finished the meal and is probably eating a chicken as I type these words.

That just cracked me up. 

So -- onward and upward. I will read and concern myself more about animals. It's funny because before I started eating like this I was getting really bothered by the whole factory farm system, so I think I just need to get a little more...conscious. Don't worry about me going off the deep end. I know the proper order for things and that God put man in charge of animals. I believe in animals testing of medicines, but not makeup. And I don't think that people who eat animals are bad people. I just think that everybody has their "things," that's all.

I have been thinking more and more about getting a pet. I'm a dog person, but here is the thing -- I am honestly not sure I can handle another dog dying on me. I sometimes think that the solution is to have maybe three dogs -- that way when one dies you still have two more depending on you and loving you and your life isn't just starkly with-dog/without-dog. I'm sure Bruce would LOVE it if I told him I wanted to get three dogs. Ha. I don't want a bird -- I think birds are wonderful, but I want to watch them outside. I would give my right arm to have a horse, but Bruce has told me that I cannot put one in our backyard. Alex and Alisha want to get some sort of lizard. They showed me a picture and tried to get me to say it was...cute, I guess...but it's a lizard. I am not especially swept away by reptiles and amphibians.

I shouldn't think of anything before my knee surgery anyway, so I'll just ponder.

I made pancakes for dinner. It was this recipe, but I don't have any white flour in the house and I don't think I cooked them long enough and they were just okay. 

My toilet safety rails came today and Bruce has installed them. Now I can actually sit (as opposed to fall) on the toilet and I can get up, too! Life's simple pleasures.

The back has stiffened as the day has gone on -- seems weird to me. I would think that it would get stiff at night, but it seems to feel best in the mornings. Definitely better than it has been, definitely not all the way healed. It hasn't even been a week, though.

More later...

Resting...Before My Adventure

Definite improvement in the ol' back this a.m. Maybe 50% better? (How can I even know something like that?) Anyway -- it's better. So that's good.

I showered (yay!) and in the process my back started stiffening up again, so I am resting on the heating pad at the moment. When I am done, however, I am going OUT. I have not been outside the walls of this house since Friday and I've got serious cabin fever. I have my "trip" all planned: I'm going to the Wendy's drive-through so I don't even have to get out of the car. I am getting their new baked sweet potato (and if I'm being completely honest, I'm also going to get their macaroni and cheese, which I know is off limits, but I need off limits today).

More later...

Attack of the Killer Bedclothes...

I should be having a bagel with my friend Shems right now. Today I was going to drive down to Florida, meet Shems in Tallahassee, have a late dinner with my friend Jim in Clearwater. I was going to go to Mom's house tomorrow and stay there until Saturday. Probably visit with my friend Linda in Lakeland. Stay with my friend Ruth in Ocala on Saturday and Sunday. Stay with Elaine and her family in New Port Richey (in Brian and Irene's house) Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday.

I'm sorry to be missing that, but to be honest -- I'm not sorry that I'm home. Thinking about doing all of that while I'm feeling this way is kind of overwhelming. I'm going to make this trip -- just not right now. I will dearly miss seeing Elaine, but that gives me an excuse to go to California.

I have decided that my back going out is a blessing. Were it not for this, I would be out driving Mel around, running to Publix, watching Kael. With my back like this, all I do is sit, with the occasional forays into the shower, laundry room, and kitchen.

Speaking of all that -- I had my teeth brushed before 10:30 today, which I consider to be excellent work!!! The last two loads of laundry are in progress: the whites are in the dryer and the sheets are in the washer. I will wait for Bruce to help me make up the bed, but he always helps me with that anyway. All in all, I think I've done pretty well today.

The back is worse today -- very tight. I am wondering if it's because I didn't use any heat yesterday. I'm using the heating pad today -- far away from the blistered area (another blessing -- my back is worse on my right side and the blisters are on the far left side!!!) and I'm using it judiciously. I've taken Advil. I'm doing very little.

Last night was a terrible night -- I never have terrible nights. I could not sleep on my right side because that requires me to raise my right arm above my head and that hurt like the dickens. But I HAVE to be able to sleep on my right side (I alternate between left and right all night long). I kept getting tangled up in sheets. I sleep with a pillow between my knees to keep them more comfortable and every time I rolled over that would get caught. My knees stiffened up. I had a headache. I was glad to wake up this morning!!! I'm a little tired, so maybe I'll nap on the couch.

I have discovered a new comfort food: orange juice. When I was in St. Louis doing that elimination diet, that was the first thing that I added back in because I was just craving it. Bruce bought me some yesterday and it tastes so good I can't tell you. I generally stay away from juices because you're getting the highest calorie part of the fruit without a lot of the good parts (fiber, etc.), but I am making an exception in this case!

I had two Mighty Muffins for breakfast, but that seems a long time ago. Time to go forage!

More later...